Saturnine in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

  • Sept. 17, 2017, 10:25 p.m.
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  • Public

I went to San Francisco this week. It was disastrous mainly because it illustrated how I can’t seem to keep my emotions in check.

We were out having a good time, and then out of nowhere, Richard vanished. I came out of the restroom and found him in a shady corner making out with some strange guy. I ran up to Shellby and said, “I have to go” and I ran off into the night. When I finally came back, Shellby was frantically searching for me, and Richard had no idea I’d even gone.

But I was stoic. In reality I was seething with rage. I walked up to Richard, who was still dancing with the guy, told him to give me the keys to the apartment because I was leaving. He said he would come with me and I said, “Don’t bother.”

But he jumped into the car with me. The entire time Shellby was blocking my way, trying to stop me from leaving. But I wouldn’t listen. The entire ride home I sat silent while Richard stared at me in disbelief because tears were running down my cheeks. I’ve never cried in front of Richard.

I don’t know how to explain it. I felt like trash. I felt like absolutely nothing. And in that one instance, I wanted to die. I understood why people killed themselves. I didn’t want to have to deal with any more of this stupid place and these stupid people. I was tired of constantly feeling inferior for no reason.

Richard and I silently went to bed. We slept with 3 feet between us. I got up at the crack of dawn and left for Sacramento before he even awoke. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again, and I’m not even sure I want to.

It’s not even worth it anymore.

Deleted user September 18, 2017

I am so sorry. Who knows what made him do that ? Hebis not worth making yourself sad over. The problem is not in you, it's him.

KissOfLife! September 18, 2017

Considering you said you want(ed) to marry this guy, seeing him making out with someone else would've really shitted you if you guys hadn't discussed where you stand. The fact he got into the car with you even though you were pissed off is commendable in a way though. Tells me he cares. I'm surprised you let him in.

Fawkes Gal September 18, 2017

Does he know how you feel about him? Had the two of you discussed being exclusive to one another? Or was it the sort of thing where you didn't know until that moment that it was important to you for the two of you to be exclusive? I really hope you talk to him about this, because he might have no idea what's going on.

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