I applied for another job. This one was titled “Student Services Technician.” It’s at our community college. Beneath all the jargon, it sounds like it’s a job answering phones and helping students with information. I don’t know a lot about working in this sort of setting…but I do know that I can learn most things if taught. My cousin works at the college and she said she knows I could totally do it (and she’s known me for a long time and knows my limitations and capabilities). I have another friend who used to work at the college and when I told her about the position I was applying for, she said, “Oh! You’d be perfect for that!”
So, for the first time in my life, I put together a resume (no resume has ever been required of me in any of the retail jobs I’ve worked) and a cover letter (with help from my friend). My cousin is going to put in a good word for me today to help me get noticed. Apparently, if I get the job, she’ll be training me a bit, too! Part of me is a bit uncomfortable with that (not being trained, but having someone on the inside trying to pave my way). I’ve always wanted to get work based on my own merit. The thing is, I’m completely untrained in this type of work, and though I know I can pick it up, it’s asking a lot for someone to take a chance on me. In the past I may have avoided help of this sort. I remember feeling crushed when someone was interviewing me at my second job and she said, “Well, of course I’m going to hire you. You’re Kevin’s niece.” She didn’t say it in a rude way and was quite friendly. But, it made me feel completely dependent on someone else’s opinion of me and I was always working twice as hard as everyone because I didn’t want anyone to think I was getting special treatment as a relative.
But, somehow…even though part of me is bristling at the idea, part of me is like, “It’s OKAY. Sometimes people only hire people based on their connections. Even if I were completely qualified, if someone’s granddaughter wanted the position and were less qualified, she would get it. That’s how that sort of thing works, sometimes. I know I will work hard. I know I am capable of learning new things. I know I am good with customers. This is a real opportunity to challenge myself and learn something new.
I’m excited and scared at the same time. This time last year, I was unemployed and depressed at home worrying about my life’s direction. I still have my worries, but I’m hoping to untangle myself from feeling so stuck. I really hope I can move forward in my life, at last.
So I’ll cross my fingers, say a prayer, take the leap, and hope I get there!