I WILL STOP WRITING ABOUT THIS I SWEAR. NEXT ENTRY WILL BE ABOUT KYLE KINANE. in """""FITNESS"""""

  • April 21, 2017, 12:02 p.m.
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Dude I have been going to town on this chacne and it’s getting WORSE.

FUCK EVERYONE.

And my boobs hurt today, and I’m even fatter than yesterday and all this makes me realize I am either (A) pregnant or (B) having a hormonal imbalance caused by the IUD that makes my body ACT like I’m pregnant for anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months, thus causing pregnancy paranoia and fatness always.

It’s like, 99.9999% gonna be option B, because this has happened like 3 times since I got the fucking IUD, but of course I will always think it’s option A till I drop some pee on a stick. Which I guess I should do today.

THANKS, IUD. THANKS FOR TRYING TO FUCK ME TO DEATH FROM INSIDE MYSELF.

I’m not gonna give up on fitness just because a lot of my chubsterness is coming from my uterus. Cos, some of it isn’t. I can tell my thighs are thicker and all lumpy, even though I didn’t used to have cellulite, and I know that’s all from slow, long-term weight gain.

But the belly chub is hormonal I think, so I’m less freaked out about it. Yay!

I have 7 pairs of pants coming in the mail today–five are size 2s, and two are size 0s. I can’t wait for literally none of them to fit.

“Wow Jess you sure are complaining about maybe not being a size 2 anymore” I know, I hate myself. But to be fair, I just have a small frame. Even if I were teetering on the edge of “obesity,” I’d probably still be like… a 6 or 8. It’s just how my body is built.

I wish I didn’t discover what I look like these days, because now it’s all I think about and nothing else matters. Hooray! I’m 16 again! EVERYONE WANTS TO BE 16 AGAIN, RIGHT.


I hugely appreciate all the comments/advice, y’all. You’ve been SUPER helpful and supportive, and I have a lot of ideas to work with. I just have to try different strategies and see what works for my body. Currently the game plan is:

  • Eat, like, before 1 PM, so I’m not starving and craving garbage food by lunch. (Ordered a bunch of Clif bars online for “breakfast.” Carolyn reminded me that they’re not garbage!!)
  • Drink more water, particularly before meals.
  • Keep any high-cal snacks out of my house so I don’t wreck them while stoned.
  • Keep easily snackable veggies on hand at all times (snap peas, baby peppers, celery n shit… hummus to make it less garbage tasting).
  • When I cook meals, make sure it involves lean protein.
  • HAVE FOOD AT WORK ALL THE FUCKING TIME, JESSICA. STOP EATING OUT OF VENDING MACHINES.
  • Pay attention to my Fitbit again.

I already don’t consume a huge amount of sugar, so I’m not too worried about that, but if this doesn’t work, I’ll add that to the mix.

I could add some exercise too but I just don’t want to overwhelm myself this soon. I’ma try diet changes on for a couple weeks before mandating exercise, though I probably will take walks and maybe do some squats/crunches to get some baseline toning done for when my fatness INEVITABLY MELTS AWAY, RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?

K BYE. BYE.


Last updated April 21, 2017


Firebabe April 21, 2017

I discovered a few years ago that exercise had very little impact on my weight loss. Of course I found this out AFTER I shelled out the dough and put in the time doing P90X ('cause the universe is a fucker like that.)

Deleted user Firebabe ⋅ April 21, 2017

But hey
You got a T-Shirt for it
So... hooray for small miracles
Did you hear me Lana? I said hooray for small miracles...

Firebabe Deleted user ⋅ April 24, 2017

Do you want ants Lana? 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU GET ANTS.

One Angry Dwarf Firebabe ⋅ April 21, 2017

Yeah man! I've read about how exercise isn't actually very good for weight loss. Oh and here's a neat video about it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCtn4Ap8kDM

It helps that I have a massive science crush on this guy. UGH, PROPONENT OF VERIFIABLE FACTS, GET INSIDE ME.

girl in recession Firebabe ⋅ April 21, 2017

^^ yeah, this is totally backed by science. doing cardio will help your heart not have a heart attack when you're 50, and weight lifting will help you have stronger bones so to hopefully not get osteoporosis and generally not lose muscle mass as you age so you can actually not have to pee in a bag when you're 70... but other than that it does zero for actual fat loss.

weight loss is totally all about diet & how your body is metabolizing what you're eating. has more to do with hormones / imbalances / genetics / vitamins and getting enough nutrients and all that good shit, not physical activity.

Perpetually Plump April 21, 2017

It's hard to be tiny but fat. My friend is like that. She got "really fat" by getting up to a size 8 at 150 lbs. She's now a 2 and 125. I'd loooooove to be a size 8! Different bodies just have different sizing!
I hated my iud. I had to get that thing pulled out before I even hit a year. Toooooooo many side effects!

One Angry Dwarf Perpetually Plump ⋅ April 21, 2017

Yeah, the unfortunate thing about it is just how quickly it shows up on my frame. I gain 10 pounds and my pants don't fit anymore, cos there's just nowhere to put it.

I really shouldn't complain, though--this is my first struggle with weight since I was 12, and I imagine some minor lifestyle changes will probably do wonders.

pulchritude April 21, 2017

Sounds like a sensible plan.
And don't feel guilt for complaining about not being a size 0. Or a size 2. It's your body. You've got to like it. Who cares if you're naturally thin or naturally have a small frame? Your feelings about your body just as valid and should be just as accepted as someone who is obese. Fuck the world and their mind games, telling you should be happy with how you are just because you're a certain size. You should be happy with what you're happy with. (Within the moderation of healthy, mind. And your plan with the Cliff bars [Gag; too chalky for me. I prefer Nakd bars.] and the baby veggies and the hummus to mask the garbage taste and the water are all within the moderation of healthy.) Do you, boo. Do you!

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