Dude I have been going to town on this chacne and it’s getting WORSE.
And my boobs hurt today, and I’m even fatter than yesterday and all this makes me realize I am either (A) pregnant or (B) having a hormonal imbalance caused by the IUD that makes my body ACT like I’m pregnant for anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months, thus causing pregnancy paranoia and fatness always.
It’s like, 99.9999% gonna be option B, because this has happened like 3 times since I got the fucking IUD, but of course I will always think it’s option A till I drop some pee on a stick. Which I guess I should do today.
THANKS, IUD. THANKS FOR TRYING TO FUCK ME TO DEATH FROM INSIDE MYSELF.
I’m not gonna give up on fitness just because a lot of my chubsterness is coming from my uterus. Cos, some of it isn’t. I can tell my thighs are thicker and all lumpy, even though I didn’t used to have cellulite, and I know that’s all from slow, long-term weight gain.
But the belly chub is hormonal I think, so I’m less freaked out about it. Yay!
I have 7 pairs of pants coming in the mail today–five are size 2s, and two are size 0s. I can’t wait for literally none of them to fit.
“Wow Jess you sure are complaining about maybe not being a size 2 anymore” I know, I hate myself. But to be fair, I just have a small frame. Even if I were teetering on the edge of “obesity,” I’d probably still be like… a 6 or 8. It’s just how my body is built.
I wish I didn’t discover what I look like these days, because now it’s all I think about and nothing else matters. Hooray! I’m 16 again! EVERYONE WANTS TO BE 16 AGAIN, RIGHT.
I hugely appreciate all the comments/advice, y’all. You’ve been SUPER helpful and supportive, and I have a lot of ideas to work with. I just have to try different strategies and see what works for my body. Currently the game plan is:
- Eat, like, before 1 PM, so I’m not starving and craving garbage food by lunch. (Ordered a bunch of Clif bars online for “breakfast.” Carolyn reminded me that they’re not garbage!!)
- Drink more water, particularly before meals.
- Keep any high-cal snacks out of my house so I don’t wreck them while stoned.
- Keep easily snackable veggies on hand at all times (snap peas, baby peppers, celery n shit… hummus to make it less garbage tasting).
- When I cook meals, make sure it involves lean protein.
- HAVE FOOD AT WORK ALL THE FUCKING TIME, JESSICA. STOP EATING OUT OF VENDING MACHINES.
- Pay attention to my Fitbit again.
I already don’t consume a huge amount of sugar, so I’m not too worried about that, but if this doesn’t work, I’ll add that to the mix.
I could add some exercise too but I just don’t want to overwhelm myself this soon. I’ma try diet changes on for a couple weeks before mandating exercise, though I probably will take walks and maybe do some squats/crunches to get some baseline toning done for when my fatness INEVITABLY MELTS AWAY, RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?
K BYE. BYE.
Last updated April 21, 2017