Oblivion in Stuff You Should Write

For the past weeks, I’ve described feeling like I’m walking in unreality. I put it down to changes in my routine, less energy than normal, and really trying to come to terms with being on my own. I also looked the massive energy I spent on worry and family and feeling lost.
I think I can come around by following the normal advice, doing my CBT work, and really listening to myself.
But I felt like talking about an interaction where I left feeling like a mad woman. This happens a lot.
I better be nice to myself and not feel too injured by things I’ve done recently. I’m hurting and I need to accept the pain hasn’t gone away yet.
It would be a good time to sit down and do some proper writing with pen and paper and talk about a balance of interactions where I felt love, appreciation, and people being good to me as well as my other warped feelings.
There was a moment in a meeting today when I was looking at someone else’s head (laughs). I was looking at his hair and chin and I was caught back to a time when I would touch or see my ex’s face and hair. I’d touch his beard with my face or chin or with my hand. I took absolute joy in his body and I never regretted one moment spent close to him. I really miss that. And it feels sometimes like I’ve lost that feeling forever. But I guess that’s not true. I sometimes think random fleeting thoughts like How can it be that we’ve gone from one routine to being just me, getting up, brushing my teeth, going to work. I feel like something else was lost - another life. I never felt like this with AM. But then, I left AM in such horrible circumstances. I need to maybe understand that my life with AM is really no bean pole for life with my ex or life with anyone. And eventually, maybe, I suppose, my life with my ex won’t be measured against my life now. Whether that is this moment, or other moments yet to come.