New Moon in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

There’s a very simple reason why I was so active last week, and to explain it makes it seem obvious. I rather like to believe that I’m more complicated and mysterious, but in the end I’m just as blunt and stupid as anyone else.

The problem with this whole situation is that it means I have to dredge up my past, a past that I have spent the last decade shoving under as many new memories of fun and happiness as I possibly could. Not only do I have to share the story, but I have to do so over and over again, like some kind of ghastly intro from some serialized television show. “Last time on Justin’s Fucked Up Life…” It’s frustrating as shit.

I have been scrambling for anything to hold on to. When I tell my mother about the way I feel, she sheds her tears and puts on a great face, but that’s not what she really thinks. She thinks about how this has affected her, about how it’s inconveniencing her life to have me stressed out and fucking up her flow.

I applied for a promotion at the job I work at, I won’t get it, but I was hoping having something to stress about would divert my attention. It worked up until I got another letter from the French Government. They still expect me to carry on as if I’m going to Paris without knowing whether or not that is actually true. It’s fucking difficult.

So last week, I sought out something. It also didn’t help that it was the anniversary of the loss of my virginity. That’s like my own personal full moon. Every year on this particular date, I get pulled into so many directions and feel myself chomping at the bit. My behavior has been both unexpected and unconvincing.

Why am I still interested in women this late in the year? I know that that sounds like an odd question but my interest in women has always come in bursts, a bit like it’s own kind of lunar cycle. Every even year for the first three months… It sounds like some arcane witch’s curse. But here it is June and I’m still just as interested in women as I am in men… Maybe I’ve finally see-sawed and now I’m more bisexual than I have previously thought.

Maybe it’s just a new awareness that I have. Maybe this time it wasn’t a full moon so much as a new moon. Well, whatever.