The Darker the Berry, the Sweeter the Juice!!!! in The Town of Llareggub

  • Feb. 18, 2016, 6:50 a.m.
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I saw that written on a porn synopsis as William and I were searching the Comcast listing for something to watch…We’d never watch porn together, get your mind out of the gutter, haha…William doesn’t even like pornography– he thinks it’s cheesy and dumb and degrading to women. In his single days, he even had guy-friends ask if he wanted to watch porn together, including my ex-husband, who was addicted to porn, and William always thought that kind of offer was really really gay. I can’t get off on anything in those things, but erotic stories can work sometimes for me. As we scroll down the listings past those channels, though, if we’re scrolling that far down, we usually stop and laugh at some of the write-ups for these rental movies…they’re the FUNNIEST things ever! William reads them aloud doing the bassy gravelly voice of a stereotypical ghetto-fied old black man. The best voice for reading porn synopses!

We saw one tonight that read:

These big black bootie-full beauties know how to back that thang up!

I laughed for like ten minutes.

But that one, the one in the title, the one that said, “The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice!“– that one had us laughing longer than any others we’ve ever read! We just couldn’t contain ourselves!

So naturally, later on, as I was laying in bed so peacefully and a few lengthened breaths away from falling into deep comforting slumber…it just POPPED into my brain. Shaking me wide and ever-wideningly awake! The old black man enthusiastically purring out, “The darker the berry…the sweeter the juice!!!!

I just ended up tossing and turning, one silly and quivering pile of laughter. I couldn’t go two minutes without trying to stifle a huge laughing fit next to my sleeping husband. A couple of hours later and I still can’t sleep, not even close! I’m going to play the Sims for a little while and have one of my characters write a trashy novel called, you guessed it, “The Darker the Berry…The Sweeter the Juice!

Jesus Christ, I can’t believe this is what keeps me up at night! :)


Last updated February 18, 2016


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