Online Shopping: A Very Trump-tastic Christmas in The Town of Llareggub

  • Nov. 16, 2015, 4:16 a.m.
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I just spent $40 on a Donald Trump wig for my husband! I had intended to spend much less, but all of the “Candidate Comb-Over” wigs that were $10, $13, $15, had the worst online reviews imaginable. All of them said they had holes in them, did not look like the pictures at all, did not even vaguely resemble The Donald’s hair, and that the buyers highly regretted the purchases. William’s been wanting this wig for so long that I didn’t want it to be that much of a disappointment for him when he opens it up on Christmas morning. The next price level of Donald wigs began at $40, and this one had decent reviews. I thought of the bombastic celebration that such a gift will inevitably evoke from him upon opening it, and I caved.

I also purchased for him a red “Make America Great Again” cap, a classic navy hat with the name “Trump” written across it, and a navy Trump t-shirt. William’s going to have a very Trump-tastic Christmas! He had an iron-on Trump t-shirt made for him in Ocean City a few weeks ago that says “We Shall OverComb!”, but the iron-on design didn’t transfer very well, it turns out. He was sad about that…

Very nearly bought him a $4 bumper sticker that has a photo-outline of Trump’s face looking stern with his index finger outstretched and the words, “Up Yours, Hillary!” very boldly plastered against the white background in a wide navy font…but then I worried that he might actually place that on our car…Not that I disagree with the sentiment, exactly, but I’d be embarrassed to have anything remotely vulgar on our vehicle…I try to keep political stickers of any kind off of our vehicle, for fear of discrimination from nasty meter maids and gross saliva splatters from unknown sources. William certainly spits on every Obama bumper sticker he passes, when people aren’t looking, anyway.

As a sidenote, I went to this party last week, one of the ones where I have to dress to impress a bunch of lawyers…black ruched dress with lots of cleavage exposed…and one of the masters at juvenile court whom I’ve known for years, a very liberal Jewish man, complained to me that William regularly barges into his courtroom when he doesn’t have a case there and interrupts whatever trial he has going on to pound his fist against a table and scream out “TRUMP!!!! TRUMP!!!!! TRUMP!!!!” William apparently just laughs after and walks out. I answered, “I’ll BET he does!!!” William overheard and said to him, “You should just get your deputy to throw me out then!” But this master lamented that his deputy is the one who encourages William to do it.

Tried to compensate for my lazy day in today by getting started on my Christmas shopping, online, because I just realized Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away! Also got William three Josh Bach ties: one red one with parts of the Constitution curvily etched across it, one blue one with iconic mid-century modern chairs patterned on it, and one purple tie with varied black outlines of pigeons. Got Maddie some shirts and tights on sale at Urban Outfitters online, and Aria a clearance bra from Victoria’s Secret and lots of little hipster and seamless panties that were on sale from the Pink brand. I think I have a nice little start there on my Christmas shopping. The malls around here have been almost insufferable lately. I spend thirty minutes in one and come out frazzled, overheated, and exhausted. I hope to do most of my shopping online this year.


Last updated November 16, 2015


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