Pastels, Yogurt, & Distance... in The Town of Llareggub

  • Aug. 3, 2015, 8:50 p.m.
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  • Public

When I’m relaxed in my bedroom after going out in summertime, I often feel like this bed is a big floating lounge chair and the floor around it is the calmest water I can imagine. I sprawl out unevenly, usually either not wearing a bottom or not wearing a top, and little happy cats curl up with me, unafraid of the water below, and we all float merrily together just slightly forward into the future, so relieved to be able to keep things as they are.

I generally prefer wearing light colors to dark colors, though I can easily see how dark colors make me and every woman look thinner. But why should I want to look thin all the time? Looking the thinnest you can look isn’t necessarily looking the prettiest you can look. Light or bright colors usually make women look younger. My vintage light-denim pinup shorts just begged for a light colored top today, to keep the glow going. A basic baby pink tank, slightly transparent, looked luminous above the coolness of the gentlest blue, and I solved the transparency issue with a nude brassiere. White lace peep-toe kitten wedges and soft pinks on my eyelids, cheeks, and lips, with just a hint of copper on the tips of my eyelids for superficial depth. Miss Dior Blooming Bouquet suited the mood of it all, and I ended up having rotisserie chicken and cornbread and Yogi Castle after. I’ve been getting chocolate and strawberry frozen yogurt at those places recently, with some colored mochi sprinkled on top and a few miniature snow caps. This one had little strawberry wafer cookies, so I added one because the texture of them is a lot like an ice cream cone, not the waffle cones but the cake cones, my favorites.

I forgot my phone again at home, but William took a picture of our frozen yogurt and sent it to Timberly, who’s obsessed with frozen yogurt. He’s cut down on it a little this summer. In the springtime, he went on a diet in which he ate nothing but frozen yogurt from those Asian-inspired places for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He thought somehow he was going to lose weight that way, maybe because most of the flavors at those places are low-fat, but after about three weeks, he’d found he’d gained weight doing it. I laughed so hard, privately. What else can someone expect eating nothing but sugar? He did perfect his skill at maximizing his free samples so that, he claims, he gets about as much frozen yogurt in free samples as he has to pay for in his cup.

Another thing I’ve found pretty funny about Timberly is that he hates, I mean hates my friend Sullivan, though he’s never met him in person. He’s only heard a little bit about him through stories we’ve told, and for some reason, his face wells up with red anger every time his name is mentioned. William was on the phone with Timberly when Aria was here, and Sullivan walked past him to get something and said a couple of silly things, his usual banter, to William, in passing. Apparently, Timberly became infuriated from that and screamed to William, “Get me the fuck away from that retarded fucking faggot! How can you stand that faggot retard?” and hung up on him. Seemed a bit extreme to me. I wonder if narcissists usually clash as easily as that, but then, I’m still unsure if Sullivan’s a narcissist or a sociopath. Timberly did a show at a tiny place in D.C. last week, his first time doing stand up in about a year, and William bemoaned that Timberly was going to be more egotistical than ever for a couple of weeks, because he’ll start thinking again that he’s going to be famous, like he always does after he does a show. So I’ve been avoiding him. His birthday was this weekend, so he posted this on facebook to all his friends:

“I’m coming to Baltimore tonight for birthday weekend. Nacho Mama’s, Dangerously Delicious Pies and Bad Decisions…in that order… probably starting around 7 or 8.
To answer the FAQ that I get every time I do something like this:
1. That’s it.
2. No schedule.
3. www.googlemaps.com
4. No
5. No
6. No
7. Last time I checked it was my birthday and not yours, so I’m unsure as to why you’re suggesting another place to go.
8. I don’t care. Please stop asking me questions, I’m the one coming to Baltimore, not you to visit me; you never come to visit me, so why am I the one doing all the planning?
9. I might use the VIP card… it really depends.”

One inaccuracy about that, I’ve found out recently, is that if you go visit him in D.C., he’s equally as demanding and prima-donna-ish. We ended up having to change all our plans around to satisfy his whims, and didn’t get to go to the one place we’d been looking forward to so much…but we’re not making that mistake again…

Timberly’s birthday night turnout ended up being very low, wonder why. I certainly wasn’t about to put myself in the line of fire. He called us upset on Sunday about all the verbal scuffles he got into with his friends that night, and how everyone was implying that he was rude. Unsurprising. The next thing he usually does, about a week after he does a show, is quit his job, if he has one at the time. He’s currently making $80,000 doing very minimal public relations with a Russian firm full of quirky foreigners. We’re wondering if he’s going to quit. Back in March/April, he quit his job working for C-PAC/ The ACU (American Conservative Union) making $120,000/year about a week or two after he was a guest on a radio show. And he was getting paid that much just to create memes for them making fun of Democrats and liberal policies, and help out with the convention for four days a year. Before that, the highest paid job he’d had was like making $30,000/year. So, for his own sake, I hope he doesn’t quit this job too. Though I must admit, it would be really funny if he did. At least Timberly’s ego trips are funny. Well, to me, at least. As long as I maintain a little distance…

Ah, distance…such a necessary component for finding a lot of horrible things funny. God bless it!


Last updated August 03, 2015


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