It is what it is. in Since OD is shutting down....

I haven't heard from Brian since Saturday night and I'm pretty sure I won't anymore. I know that he knows I was going to break things off but it does bother me that someone who claimed to love me soooooooooooooooooooo much could just stop talking to me and just assume he knew exactly what I was going to say. I wanted to talk about it and give him some explanation and now I don't get that chance. I know that I miss him because I keep finding myself thinking about him and how special he was to me but I was just going to end up with my heart in the ground so I know that this is the best thing for me.

I honestly miss him and feel the urge to text him but I know in the next couple of days, he’ll be nothing more than a memory. I’m so used to people walking away from me like this that he’s just another notch on a pole. It does make me somewhat angry that I keep getting abandoned though. It does bother me that no one ever sticks around. I understand why in each situation but I try to stay hopeful that someday, someone will come into my life and stay. I really liked him and was excited to have someone new to to get to know and make memories with but it’s over as quick as it started.

I took my ad down and plan to just do me, again. I guess I still feel lonely because I’ve put myself through this so many times and even though it keeps turning out the same way, I never completely give up. I do get sick of being by myself and not getting to have much of a social life outside of my job but every time I find new people, within a week they aren’t around anymore. I know that it’s me to some degree but I keep finding ones that I should have never started talking to in the first place because they are taken or whatever.

Anyways, it’s my day off again and I don’t want to waste it worrying about shit that I can’t change. I work too fucking hard to let shit ruin my day of relaxing go to shit. I need to just worry about getting sleep and resting because tomorrow I start another week.

Ugh, time to lay down.