What she said before she came over, that even if she came over it wouldn't change anything, that we were still going to end. That's not how I read what she said... I thought there was still hope and I wasn't exactly excited but she said that she loved me and missed me and needed to see me.
So while I waited I thought about all the things that have happened since I met her. The hole that I found her in, that I pulled her out of, and I worked on making her feel strong and beautiful and proud of herself because that's who she is. She is amazing. And eventually she started to feel that for herself. She starts smiling and she started to feel better. And I remembered how timid she was and how she began to trust me and how she started to say things that made me feel like I was better than I felt like I was. And I told her about my vulnerabilities, multiple times, about the things I couldn't do And about the things I'm afraid of and about the things that I'm afraid of doing that cause resentment. We had that conversation.
And months went by and we fell in love.
We still are, she says. we shouldn't end, she says. She loves me, she says. She doesn't like when we don't talk, she says. But we should end it now anyways because it's better now than 5 years from now, she says. If we have to do things differently, we should end things now, she says.
But I still want to come and see you, she says
And me? I just don't want to lose her so I say okay and when she walks in my room I fall in love all over again. And she looks at me like she falls in love all over again too. And I am confused because her words do not match her actions. I need more, she says, while she reaches for me. This won't work, she says, after she kisses me with the intensity of a thousand Suns. You're not enough, she says, while I'm holding her in my arms like we've been apart for a thousand years and we both finally feel like we're home.
And now she understands what she wants and what she needs and she's ready to give it to somebody who can really love her and who can give it all to her and who can finally make her happy. Because she's been waiting for somebody for so long just to show her love and respect and now she can go get it.
And i guess I'm just glad I got a moment of her time .
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