I need therapy in 2025

1:38 am It’s been a while, again. Listen, it’s been three years? Four years? Something like that and I STILL miss her. It eats at me and it isn’t like I’m not trying to forget her. I don’t fuck around so the whole getting over someone is easier by getting under someone else; that does not apply here.

I believe this would be easier if someone liked me… But no one does. No one looks at me the way my coworker does… See she sees guys she likes and she tells me how she’d kiss them if she could. Or how they make her wild. No one looks at me and gets those feelings. No one. You can’t say someone out there does BECAUSE NO ONE DOES. There are no signs. No one comes up and talks to me. No one tries to talk to me. Nothing.

I took on a second job just to numb myself out. Now I don’t have that job and everything I’ve repressed seems to be gushing out.

I tried talking to some 37 year old who got mad at me for asking if people lost interest in her when they saw how skinny she is? She got mad at me and I didn’t reply back. I left it at that. Let her cool off, ya know?

I woke up the next day to her saying that I disappeared and deleted off of everything. I explained that I was giving her time to cool off. It was a simple question. She knows I’m honest and up front and in the end, she called me a KID. You can’t say I’m not trying. I’m not looking, but I can tell when someone has some sort of interest in me. I just don’t get that from anyone in my day to day life.

I’m too poor, too old, too ugly, you name it I fall into that category.

I tried tinder and I KNOW I’m not catch, but my likes made me want to hurl myself off a cliff and into the ocean. I CAN’T EVEN SWIM!

It hurts. I know I’m not great and I know everyone ends up with people who look like them, act like them; but where’s my complimenting partner? You’ll see people who look like they need a shower together. Vampires with other vampires and ugly guys with fat girls. I fall into the ugly guy category and my tinder likes were girls who look like they hate soap.

This is a depression like no other and I see, feel, and understand WHY guys kill themselves. After so many years and not a single fucking hug, all while you are everyone else around you ran through or somehow miraculously finding that one; and I’m being generous because most don’t even make it to any of those.... Where’s mine?

They say do things you like. Go out. Get a hobby. Cool. I’ll go help cats. One of them is single and what do I get? Weird looks for asking them out for coffee.

I took on a second job to numb this pain. To forget her. To forget that I have a heart. If I’m too tired to feel or think, I’ll be fine. Now I have all this time and nothing to focus on. Nothing to numb my pain. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink. The guy just makes me mad.

No one looks at me and thinks, hey I want to get to know him. Nothing.

Instead I see everyone I like fall for someone else. Ask them for their snap? Now they act weird.

Put good vibes into the universe. Nothing happened!! It’s a load of shit and now that I can feel all of this! I feel angry! I feel sick to my stomach. I want to vomit! And no one gets it! No one fucking understands that I’m hurting!! But if you say you hurt, it’s all get over it. If I could, sure. I wish I could but I can’t. Shit always reminds me of her and when you think you’re fine, you run into them. Or something reminds you of them. Or you work with someone who looks like them. It’s bullshit.

A coworker told me where she works and I got butterflies. I forgot about the angry vegan that hates cats. I was lightheaded and happy. I FUCKING ATE A TRIPLE SIZE BURGER!