Rat, Possum, and Sleep in 2020s

Our naughty little rat is now playing in the playpen. We got a cute little pink foldable playpen a couple of years ago, and now that she’s old and fat, she can’t jump out of it. Sadly, the tumor is growing, but that’s what they do. She still appears not to be suffering in any way, and that’s what’s most important.

I got a new fuzzy lavender throw for the bed, so I gave her my old frayed pink one to burrow in, in the center of the playpen. I’ve got her little water fountain in there, too. Destructive or not, grounded or not, rats still crave physical attention, so I’m sure to pick her up and cuddle her periodically.

Tom made an adorable video of a baby possum out back. He said it wasn’t even afraid of him, and he literally had to move out of the way as it was coming toward him.

So here’s the latest sleep report. Last night I was horribly exhausted and in a very dark, depressed place in my mind. I felt totally hopeless and wished I could just cease to exist at the snap of my fingers. There’s no doubt that my sleep quality goes hand in hand with my emotional health.

Tonight I’m definitely more awake and feeling better in the head as well. I did, however, wake up a handful of times due to air escaping my mouth because the tape wasn’t secure enough. I eventually got up, peed, pulled off the tape, and added two new strips of tape to my mouth rather than just one. This definitely helped, although one time, air did try to come out of my mouth that had accumulated in it.

My end goal is to get a mouth guard, since CPAPs only last about 5 years anyway. But for now, I’m eventually going to have to get a full-face mask. I was surprised to learn they make cloth ones, so it wouldn’t have to be plastic or silicone. They’re not quite as sturdy, but they should be good enough since I don’t seem to ramp higher than 11. I just wish I could magically know which one would be best for me, but you can’t really know until you use it. If worst comes to absolute worst and I can’t use a full-face mask because it’s just too uncomfortable or the seal keeps breaking, I’ll just keep taping my mouth and use this. At least this way, I can sleep on my stomach to a degree. I just want more than just an occasional day of good energy! If I’m only feeling good once a week or so, then what’s the point of even living? Well, there is still a little bit of hope because I might not have had such fraggy sleep if it weren’t for the mouth farts waking me up. Andy once told me more than once that he slept solidly. I thought it was a bit odd given his age, but I’m starting to see where sleep apnea and fragmented sleep really do go hand in hand. The only other time I have frags is when I’m stressed. If I’ve got a stressful appointment coming up, or I think it might storm during my sleep and disrupt my sleep, then I’m more likely to have fragmented sleep.

I’m definitely at the point now where I would never want to sleep without some kind of device for sleep apnea. Even if this just keeps away the scary suffocation spells and keeps me from waking up feeling like I ran a marathon in my sleep, that would be quite okay with me. I had no idea sleep apnea could do that! I thought it was just some weird twist on my asthma or medication.

Rhonda refilled my clonazepam. I told her I typically take half a pill every two to three days, and that must be okay because, like I said, she refilled it upon my request. She also refilled my nail lacquer. It was definitely the estrogen that caused the insomnia. I figured it wasn’t clonazepam withdrawal because I’m not literally addicted to it. I don’t crave it or anything. It’s only for if I’m having a harder time than usual falling asleep or if I’m anxious. Fortunately, I don’t get anxious nearly as much as I used to (damn, it feels so good to be able to say that after all the years I suffered nearly every day) and I sometimes use melatonin instead.