Feels Like a Setback in 2020s

Tom upgraded my desktop while I slept today, and tomorrow, we’re going to move Tink back into her original cage so that she’ll have a little more room around her. We just won’t add the shelves and ramps, since it’s hard for her to climb now.

Just when I’m starting to feel a sliver of hope, I feel like I’m right back where I started. I took melatonin and slept deeply and without mouth tape for the first couple of hours. Then it was right back to the fragmented sleep, with me waking up once or twice every hour after that.

Fitbit says I only got 46 minutes of REM sleep when we need 90 to 120 minutes. Also, my events jumped back up from 5.8 to 7.2, but I still got a sleep score of 99, just like yesterday.

I slapped on some mouth tape once the “frags” started, as I call them. The thing is, even if the CPAP knocked down the events, what’s going to stop the fragmented sleep? Research says that adjusting to therapy and cutting the events down should cut the frags as well, but I don’t know about that, and I still don’t know that I’m going to be able to avoid taping my mouth.

When I first put the thing on, my nose feels just as stuffy because it’s blowing gently at first. So I’m going to have to continue using nose strips and mouth tape, costing us more and not less in the end.

On top of this, I have storms to worry about. The next two days I’m likely to get thundered awake, adding to my exhaustion. So it may be a while before I can really get a sense of just how much the thing is helping when I still don’t know if other health issues might be contributing to my fatigue as well. I think at this point, the best I can hope for is that it stops the scary episodes where I would “suffocate” awake because I’m pretty sure that was the sleep apnea and not asthma or the levo at this point. It’s looking like I still very well may have to accept the fact that I’m gonna spend most of the rest of my life tired, and I’m just going to have to deal with it. I can’t keep dreaming this impossible dream and fighting for what I’m not meant to have. If I’m not meant to have energy for whatever reason, I’m not going to get it. Yeah, I had a few better days, but a few don’t mean much. So the added stress of the storms and feeling hopeless, like I do when I’m so tired, doesn’t help. The two just don’t mix well.

Also, I worry about it fucking with my schedule and causing me to have to reschedule my appointment with Rhonda.

Lastly, they’re better now, but my hips have been sore since I can’t sleep on my stomach as much anymore.

Since I’ve now completed my first week with the CPAP, I followed the guidelines on the sticker on top of it that tells you how often to clean and replace the parts. I cleaned the harness, tubes, and water chamber.

No crazy insomnia, and I’m now pretty sure that that was from the estrogen. That’s my first guess anyway.

Doing a nail experiment. I read that nail polish is more likely to invite nail fungus than nail stickers, so I put a nail sticker on my right pinky with no base polish beneath, which seems to be the second most likely nail of mine to attract fungus for some reason, and I’ll see what happens. My thumbnail does seem to be getting better, but it’s hard to say for sure.

Still doing the challenge when I’m not overly tired. I completed the Ireland ride and now I’m in France.

Since the bedroom is attached to the laundry room, both Jade and Joy were quite reactive—especially Jade—when the washer and dryer were running. I’m still not sure what to think as far as haunted dolls go. If it’s just a coincidence, though, then why is Jade the most reactive? Why is it that I never get a single reaction from other dolls besides those two? And I don’t even know that Joy is literally “reacting.” It could be residual from Jade since they stand close together. Again, I don’t know what to think.