Argh in 2020s

Even though my score was worse last night—in the 80s instead of the 90s—I have a little more energy today. Not that much, though. I’m still struggling, and I still feel like I always will. I just feel like I’m fighting for what isn’t meant to be on top of the storms we’ve got coming up. Tom feels optimistic, on the other hand, but he’s optimistic in general compared to me. He feels my body will slowly get used to it.

The problem isn’t so much the mask as it is me opening my mouth. But then, I don’t literally open my mouth either. All you need is for your lips to be relaxed to the point where they’re just barely touching for air to escape after it builds up in your mouth. I’m probably going to have to get mouth tape eventually, which I’m not going to like, because I feel the need to yawn every now and then. He thinks my body will learn to keep my mouth shut more, but I think it’s a natural reflex that can’t be changed.

The only good thing that’s changed is that ever since I started using the thing 4 nights ago, I’ve never had to get up and pee in the middle of my sleep. I haven’t gone 4 nights in a row without doing that in years. I was up for-fucking-ever, though, like 19 hours. I crashed at 1:00, but as soon as 4:00 rolled around, I started waking up every hour until I dragged myself out of bed around 10:00.

I skipped today’s levo because I suspect it could very well be connected to why I’m having insomnia lately and trouble staying asleep. I don’t know why I don’t have other symptoms other than dropping another pound to 154, but I think that could be a possibility, along with the estrogen and clonazepam withdrawal, although I did break down and take a half before bed. The estrogen and the levo are the most likely culprits. I don’t remember a single dream last night, and I read that estrogen can cause vivid dreams. I’m going to cut that back to twice a week and use less. So right now, I suspect the insomnia and frequent awakenings are most likely connected to the estrogen with the levo being runner-up. I think that’s the case, anyway. I’ll find out soon enough.

So between the insomnia, the constant waking up, and the mouth farts, it fragmented my sleep and left me tired, frustrated, and feeling a little hopeless. If it worked, the fact that it’s a life sentence of sorts wouldn’t be so hard on me. But when I think about it, regardless of how much it helps in the end, it’s yet another part of me that’s gone. I can no longer simply fall into bed and sleep. I haven’t slept well since menopause set in but even though I’ve slept shitty most of my life—especially once I reached my late 40s—I at least didn’t need nose strips or CPAPs.

To help see if I can catch up on sleep next time around without waking up as much, I’m going to go old school and take Benadryl. The only problem is that I may be groggy the next day. I also ordered a new kind of melatonin I didn’t realize they had, which is only half the dose of the 1 mg gummies I used to have. In addition to melatonin, the stuff has L-theanine, passionflower, and chamomile added to it. The magnesium gummies help with the PVCs, but not with sleep. I’d like to take nothing, but taking nothing at all seems to make things worse.

I took a cotton ball—like Tom read someone did online—doused it in scented oils, and put it by the CPAP’s intake vent. Not sure I really smelled it, though. Even though our sense of smell is supposed to be reduced in our sleep, strong smells sometimes wake me up, and Tom has had to watch what he eats when I’m sleeping. However, with the CPAP, I think he’ll be able to eat whatever he wants. So at least we’ll get some good out of the thing.

Really hope I don’t have to switch to a full-face mask. That may solve the problem if I keep opening my mouth and can’t handle mouth tape, but it wouldn’t force air through my collapsed nasal valves as easily. My ENT was right when he said I should stick to the nasal pillow.

I got a clever idea with the cooker bag in my slow cooker. I don’t like chicken juice to mix in with potatoes or veggies, so I pulled the middle of the bag upward and made two different compartments. Seems to be working so far. I’ve got a chicken leg on one side and some broccoli florets on the other.