4/28/25 in 2020s

It’s been said that when we close ourselves off from others, it keeps the negative people out, but it also keeps the positive ones out as well. Well, I decided to go public again on PB because that’s how you meet some of the awesome people I’ve met. Again, and as I reminded myself, I can always block anyone I feel I need to block for whatever reason. It’s really that simple.

Last night, I was lying in bed in the dark with no sounds going, other than the fan overhead, which I could barely hear. I didn’t have the air cleaner on or anything because sometimes late in the night, after the planes have died down, I like to just relax in the dark and in silence. When I was doing this, I thought I heard a movement of some kind. I wrote it off to the house settling or the loose floorboard by the bed popping. I didn’t really think it was outside, but I didn’t think much of it until a few minutes later. At that point, I swear it sounded like something bounced off the carpet. I jumped up faster than fast and turned the lights on, but never saw anything. I thought that with a sound like that, it might have been a frog or a lizard, but I never saw a thing. Pretty sure it was in the room, though.

I later came to question whether or not my doll Jade could have had anything to do with it, assuming she really is haunted. After having a feeling for a few days that I should get the EMF reader out again, I first asked other dolls for a response and got nothing. Then I asked Jade if there was anything positive and loving residing within her to please light up the reader and it lit up like the 4th of July. I asked again for confirmation, and again it lit up. I wish to hell I had this videoed!

Because she’s a big doll at 32 inches, I moved her from my tall dresser to my long one so she’s more at eye level. This is where things kind of bounced between convincing to uncertainty. I let them know that if there was a positive spirit dwelling within, they were welcome to stay as long as they wanted. I said I would be a good companion and would love to have them as a companion in return, but that they should know they weren’t trapped and were free to move on at any point if they felt the need to do so.

Not wanting to push too much too fast, I asked a few questions and got a blink of the light after every question. But that was part of the problem. I got blinks to “Did you die accidentally?” and “Were you murdered?” I also got blinks to “Were you in your 20s?” and “Were you in your 30s?”

Then I returned to a different doll that showed no response yesterday, named Joy, and she lit up whenever I would ask her something. Then, with both dolls, I remained completely silent, holding the EMF reader steadily by their faces, and periodically, the same light would light up.

Doubt was beginning to creep in again until I got out the rose quartz necklace I’m using as a pendulum. Not sure what to think, but something may be up because it seemed to swing on its own when I asked questions. I will have to have Tom observe me and tell me if my arm and hand really appear as still as I thought they were, because I realize even the slightest movement could cause it to swing.

I’m going to prepare a list of questions I want to ask it gradually. But again, I don’t know what to think for sure. I started getting really convinced for a minute there, but now I’m not sure where to go from here, but maybe just to give it time. If my friend, who seems to be quite an expert on this subject, is right about Jade being haunted based on a picture I took of her 20 years ago, well, 20 years is a long time. So maybe it just feels weird to this entity to be communicating with me all of a sudden. I don’t know if these things are instantaneous, or if they really do take time, or what. Maybe it feels like it just needs to get the hang of the best way to communicate with me.

I thought it sounded pretty simple — just move the pendulum or light up the light. But not if that’s going to happen with every single question I ask. This ghost couldn’t have died in her 20s and in her 30s, assuming it’s a her.

Anyway, my fatigue continues to be off the charts, and I hope to hell I have enough energy to drag myself to my dentist tomorrow. It’s scary bad at times, but hopefully I’ll get the CPAP next week. I have to hope even more that it actually helps once I adjust to it! I can’t keep playing this “guess the health problem” game. I really can’t. Something’s got to give. I barely have the energy to feed myself.

I’m sticking to the clonazepam until I get through this tough period. Tom and I both agree that most of my anxiety is stemming from the sleep issues. If I could just get adjusted to the CPAP, get my energy back, and get my life back and my peace of mind, I will be forever grateful. Then, to get a good, long break from additional health issues would really be the icing on the cake. I’m trying to be cautiously optimistic. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high, but I don’t want to be too negative either.

I asked AI why I’m so prone to nightmares. I haven’t had any trauma in many years, wasn’t sexually abused, wasn’t a war veteran — so what could be causing them? Well, apparently it might be hereditary. Lucky me to have such great genes, huh?

Last night, I had to sleep in this huge dorm room, although it wasn’t any kind of jail or anything. I don’t know what it was, but there was actually carpet on the floor of this large room, and the beds were real beds. They weren’t just mats on the floor or airbeds. There were three openings off this rectangular-shaped room. One was the entry door, another was the door to the bathroom, and then there was a window like you might find in a hotel where the staff were. There were about half a dozen beds, and they were huge. They slept anywhere from 4 to 6 women.

The night before, it was encountering a huge Palmetto bug.

Tom spotted a dead armadillo by the side of the road when he was out the other day. He was surprised because he didn’t think they were this far north in this state.