Did I disappoint everyone in 2025

5:47 am - God what a fucking trip!! October the 25th my store manager asked me if I’d like to be the new digital team lead. Sure, let’s do it. Only I guess it wasn’t mine since 19 others applied and the lady over the department made it very clear that she’s going to hire someone with experience. And other things like points and such. When she asked me if I had any experience in her department, I already knew I was out. Just the tone in her voice and the way she said things…

Like how it’s hard for 3rd shift to move up because no one important sees us.

I never got the vibe that she liked me and that’s cool.

But one of the leads in that department asked me if I did my interview and I told him what I just wrote. I’ve written this entry so many times and, I hope this is the last time. He didn’t say anything and I could tell that I either disappointed him, or he knew I wouldn’t fit? Like how people can tell if you’ll last at a job. Ya know?

But I’m good at that. I’m GREAT at that. Disappointing people.

Oh well. It ain’t for me. That whole experience and 3rd shift bull crap killed my goal. And it isn’t the first time I’ve heard that. Everyone says it and it’s the one thing I hate to hear. Also the word experience.

I felt like that meme where jobs ask for a number of years worth of experience and you see a bunch of babies in corporate attire getting those ten years worth of experience.

It’s weird…

Today I hated being there.

How do I explain this?! How???

My work heart is broken. All I keep thinking about is how I have no experience and I have none when you look at it. I know my department, and that’s it. I’m not like the rockstar who grew up in that crap. I don’t love it the way they do. I was excited at first, or until I had that experience talk.

I wanted to see my photo up there on the wall with the other managers and now, I see that I have no experience in anything. I show up, do what my boss tells me to and that’s it.

They’ve done well with the people they have now and I’m sure one of those ATC workers who FO have the EXPERIENCE would LOVE to be promoted. It isn’t for me. AND I don’t want to boss around a bunch of kids. That 5 am crap is shit too. How do people do that???

Oh, I looked up some management things at work and one of them said that they’ll pick the best candidate and something about experience. After reading that I came to terms that the coach was 100% right. I was not the best and I hope they find someone who has all that experience.

It never was me and that’s fine.

I’m always saying I’m new to that ecosystem.

I’m surviving, but I’m not thriving if that makes sense.