Searching For a Former Clarity in Book 1

Let this be the end
Let this be the last song
Let this be the end
Let all be forgiven

Because really, what else is there? When you look back on your life, close to death, what do you see? Me? Nothing good, just sitting around waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen. Time seems infinite until there isn't any left and the realization is sudden and painful.

If I could back, I would do all the things people said I couldn't or shouldn't do

I'd tell the people in my life exactly how I feel about them with no hints or dodges or whatever. I'd be straight forward.

I'd have never built that impenetrable cage around my after that girl ate it all those years ago. That was so dumb and left me with an inability to really get close to anyone. And for what? Self preservation. Well, that's worked out well. Sure, I've never been hurt but I'm utterly alone. 

Argh. I'm mad. And sad. And a bit tired of my sullen self.