A very nice person on this site recently wrote about how they felt they were seen as “Boring”. I have thought about myself as such for a long time. Good or bad thing?
I think it a good thing for me. Maybe not for others but for me, I embrace it. Although I have been accused of having a “big mouth” many times in my life, I have a grip on that now. So much of that talk quantity was just bullshit. Meaningless. Like the barking of nervous dogs - of which I probably acted like. Nervous talking. Anxiety spilling out killing the silence with a storm of noise from my head.
Now, I like to listen.
I know me and now want to know others.
I can be very entertaining but that gets old fast because I run out of little jokes and comments and suddenly fall silent. Out of gas out of bullshit to burn.
I have found a few people no longer converse with me because I do not have shit to say. Honestly, I live a wonderfully simple, gossip-free life. When I worked in the factory, it was full of back stabbing and gossip. I noticed a great relief once gone from there. Y’all can go talk about me as a memory all you want now. Ahhhh and of others what have I to say? I strive to make peace with the past events and people in my life. Let it go.
My oldest brother and I will talk on the phone once a week. He says little and laughs much at what I say. I spew out a torrent of creative profanity like the working-class man I once was. It’s all an act. Entertainment to kill my brother’s boredom and make him feel connected. But of course, the inevitable happens: I run out of Bullshit Gas. I tell him in a very different (normal) manner of talking that I ran out of bullshit to say. Back to being boring here. And so we part - but at least I got him to laugh with my shit talk.
On the rare occasions anyone comes to visit here, I make the birds a big topic. Possibly annoying. THEY are the entertainment. That IS to me why so many think others are “Boring”. THEY DO NOT STIMULATE OR ENTERTAIN. Wow, that lecturer was boring! My dad would lecture on topics that would have been boring if someone else had given them. Instead, he has a manner of speaking that was entertaining and piqued the interest of an audience. He would use jokes and horrible groaner jokes and puns but he kept his audience paying attention. To be a speaker you need to BE ENTERTAINING. I think many in relationships may find the Other to be “boring”. Why? Because we often want or expect others to entertain us. To fill the silence around us.
I have come to see the Silence as very meaningful and entertaining in life. There is no bullshit to it. Meditation is never boring for me stuck as I am inside my mind. There is always a stream of odd stuff going through my consciousness like a conveyor belt filled with junk. Ok, I see that - let it go. Over and over. Not boring at all.
It has been a few years since anyone was close to me. Close enough to sit in a room and converse with. I can imagine how if that were to happen again, I would accept the silence and respect the other’s wish to just do their own thing. The ideal is to be with someone you CAN sit in silence with, without filling a room full of vocal noise. Boring in an unpleasant way can be the forced sound of someone talking or making noise to fill a silence they fear or find offensive.
If you were to meet me, I would talk for a bit and entertain then run out of bullshit gas. I am not here to entertain you and neither are you, for me. I believe that peaceful coexistence and silence between humans and others is a good thing. A natural thing. Constant chatter, constant noise to feed the junk thought hunger of the mind is probably a new thing for humans. When I drive now, I rarely play music. I drive. I admit to stimulating myself with an internet information addiction and that brings me to what so many humans feel a need for now: TO BE STIMULATED. I think our attention spans grow shorter and shorter and thus we need to manically seek that new mental junk sugar buzz to STIMULATE US.
Over stimulation can bring on fatigue and anxiety. Silence these days for some can be an uneasy thing because it is a bit like cutting out junk sugar.
I recently cut out junk sugar. I found once my body got accustomed to it, there was a new silence in my body. At first I craved ice cream like a junkie needing drugs. Now I like that boring feeling in my body.
Boring is good if you understand so much is about how so many of us want entertainment and stimulation. But sometimes boring is good as a peaceful island inside us. Fuck off to others I am tired of trying to be an entertainer to stimulate you for a moment. It’s ok to not feel a need to be interesting or entertaining to me. Honest silence can be so much more rewarding than dishonest or contrived flows of bullshit noise.