A big lesson in life for me has been learning to accept what I cannot change. NOT trying to change others to conform to some ideal I have of how people should be. That happened to me often in my past. Being in love and letting a woman change me to how she wanted me to be. Drove me nuts. My father once told me to “Stop acting like THAT” and I asked him what he wanted me to be like or act like. He got flummoxed and said, “Stop acting like yourself”. It was enlightening. It said a lot about our relationship.
At times I have encountered immovable walls and tried to break through and move them. I only damaged myself in trying to do so. A great fear is being called for Jury Duty. I got called twice last year. I fear looking at my mailbox. Fortunately, I was able to get out of it but that IS something I have to accept when it happens. We cannot fight the law all the time. Sometimes accept and make the most of a situation. Right now, I fear going to my mailbox today ;-)
When I worked in the factory, I and others would be assigned tasks we found dangerous or simply boring and unpleasant. I learned to make the most of a situation by accepting an order and doing it to the best of my ability. There were often people playing THEIR music very loudly and at first, I tried to change their habits for less stress for me. Angering them, I did my best at accepting the situation and telling myself that it would change someday. It did. I made it easier by accepting the miserable experience. I got noise-canceling headphones that helped. I did not change them or their behavior but changed my way of dealing with it. Then again there was the time I would remove a screw from the old radio of a bullying coworker. One screw at a time. People noticed the sound getting more ragged and one day it seemed to collapse. Tsk Tsk! I found I could change that situation ;-)
I have 2 conure birds. I used to yell at them as one would humans. Tiny brains and a different species. One bird tries to bite me. I found that doing all that just made my life situation worse. I made a joke of it all. Oh please do not do that. Talking to them in a pleasant voice and humoring them. Indulging them at times with food. Making play of their aberrant behavior. Accepting them as BIRD housemates. Now one sits atop my head and the more bellicose one sits nearby watching. Sometimes HE will sit atop my computer monitor and watch me. Looking for food ;-) We accept each other and at times I think they laugh with me. At night, I chase them to their enormous cage and talk them into going to bed. Just as one would with children. It makes it fun.
I have learned to accept annoying people and avoid them. Use humor with them if I can. NOT to be aggressive. I was that way last year with my brother-in-law and sister. I blew up at their house. I said what I had to say and left feeling childish with my anger. Last winter my BIL came over and tried to chastise me about some things in my house and life. I smiled and breathed and did not pick him up and throw him into a wall. Later, he apologized. Had I reacted with anger? Cold War family style. He is how he is. Same with my sister. Accept and adapt.
The rent rises and so does my fear and anger. Fuck it. Relax accept and deal with it. The same with so many utilities and other bills. Accept it. Deal with it peacefully.
I have a habit of acceptance in waiting rooms now. I feel some anxiety rising then I relax, half close my eyes and breathe. Accept the situation and deal with it peacefully. It works.