8/29 in Onward Into Etc.!

My oldest brother called me today and tried to tell me a very bad joke from before any humans had evolved (I think). The poor guy told it badly, too. I know he called for me to entertain him and make him laugh with all my cussing. Less cussing and realizing that at this age, THANKFULLY no drama and nothing to bitch about unless I got very cantankerous and nitpicked the world. I did make an eye-roll comment about a 40 some year old niece that messaged me about almost getting caught in a big storm. I DRYLY messaged her about those weather app things with radar on the smart phone she has. I lightened things up by sincerely telling her I was glad she was ok. Good kid but has brain farts like all of us. Maybe she just likes the excitement of weather emergencies. I don’t. Tornados and such, suck.

When I was a kid I remember how boring old people could be. Telling the same old story over and over again. NOW THAT I AM AN “OLD PEOPLE” I have to be careful someone does not remind me that I told THAT story a few times. Or catch myself mid-anecdote realizing, yeah man the world knows THAT story in your life by heart now. Reminded my brother as he started a story, “Sorry Jeff, heard you tell that one a few times.” And to point a finger at me in fairness, yes Jeff, THIS old fuck has done that too.

I went grocery shopping on Monday - as usual. I felt more calm and quiet than normal. Interesting feeling. I realized it was probably from much meditation recently. I often feel I did not “do” well during a session but the fact that I PRACTICE it matters. I see the benefits. What do you have to actually SAY of interest to anyone? Nothing. Be friendly, joke a bit. Be kind and compliment someone if you can. Sincerely no BS. I need that one or 2 days of human interaction. My mind goes a bit dull without it. Like writing. Need to throw some words on here to keep the mind and person sharper.

60 minutes on the treadmill on Sunday. Tooth socket healing good. At a point of soreness where it is a constant irritation of “Hello! I am here!” Bought some powdered protein stuff to help with smoothies. Lost a bit of weight with so much of a liquified diet. I think of so many times I could eat chips and hard food and took it all for granted. My dentist said she will make a bridge for my mouth. I feel a sense of wonder and anticipation about this akin to that feeling I had as a child waiting for Christmas. Ah! To be able to eat HARD food again! What joy that could be.

Sometimes I have literal “jolts” of memory. Things I have not thought of for DECADES. I had a dream a few weeks ago about a dish my mother would make when I was young. I had to call a couple siblings to make sure it was real or had happened. So many of my dreams have bits of random memories thrown into them. My night dreams are often like some alternate reality in which I never quit working. With bits of my whole life tossed in randomly. I awaken and feel confused about what is real. Sometimes I nap and go back to THAT place of dreams. I have thought about talking to a therapist about it. I DO believe my subconscious is still trying to deal with the trauma of the factory closing.

The rising or jolts of odd memory makes me wonder what memories would be like for an immortal. I think it would be a curse. I cannot tell what year a memory occurred in. To be immortal and have hundreds if not thousands of memories rising up at times? It would bring on madness.