Focus... in Me Being Me
Revised: 03/18/2023 6:11 a.m.
- March 18, 2023, 2 a.m.
I really need to not care so much and then get so upset and depressed. The only way I can do that is to keep busy. Everyday I have to do something that gets my brain into a better place and do more for me. I think the best place to start is to go back a lot of years where I had lived was so clean I could eat off the floor. And every room was also clean and everything had a place. I need to start doing that again. But then it won’t look like where I am looks lived in so maybe just do enough where it’s clean.
And for today I am going to start by sweeping and then washing the floors in the kitchen and the bathroom and then sweep the rest of this place. I have stoped washing the wood floors because I am afraid that it will get more water damaged.
And as for me while I am doing all of this domestic work I will have my scented candle lit and I will put some music on and that should change the quiet here.
Onto something else…
Yesterday some of what I ordered from Amazon came and it was the wrong thing. I had ordered a cordless kettle and it came with a cord so I called them and they are giving it to me for free. Because they don’t have the cordless one. I was going to send it back to them except they were going to e-mail the shipping lable but I don’t havea printer or a cell phone so there is no way I can use the lable. And they won’t come and pick it up so they just gave it to me. So I was happy.
Onto something else…
I know I have to stop thinking about the landlady and what she might or might not do and if she decides to evict me and change my miond set. But the truth of the matter is that I am terrified that she will do whatever it takes to get me gone. And that I won’t be able to prove that what she is doing and has done will get her into trouble.
I wonder if I am going too far in thinking that she is going to make my life more miserable? But I am not sure how much more she can do. I know I have to stop and then I will get out of this depression and probally loose this weight that is making me even more depressed and hateing myself even more. So I am going to try to focus on more important things and do what makes me happy.
So today will be day one of me looking more on the bright side.
Onto something else....
It’s still early like just after 4:00 am and I woke up cold again so i stayed up and I am wearing my heated vest and I am now too hot but there isn’t much I can do because it’s on the lowest tempature and I can feel the heat rash on my back and stomache.
I know the heat will be at 70 by 9:00 am so I still have a long wait till I feel warmer. I hate waking up cold and walking down the hall to the bathroom and it’s even colder in there even with the door closed. Plus it has a horrible smell to it because of the dried mold. But I will just deal with it and hopefully there will be someone who will froce her to do something about it so it will be a clean enviorment for everyone.
I do know why she isbeing like this and she even told me. it’s because she doesn’t like my behaviour but I told her I have issues with that and all she has to do is not upset me and tell me no for no good reason. Telling me she can’t afford to fix things and now that where I pay rent is not hers she doesn’t have to do shit. But whatever…what goes around comes around and she wuill have Karma bite her in the ass hole and on her boobs.
Onto something else…
Dinner tonight is going to be pork chops and rice and and a fresh vegetable or maybe small potatoes.
I need to stop here…
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe and Behave…
Last updated 3 days ago
Anaiss ⋅ 3 days ago
You are making yourself miserable with your anxiety and obsession with her. I am glad you're going to try to keep busy and change your focus. Scented candles and music are always good!!
Jodie Anaiss ⋅ 3 days ago (edited 3 days ago)
You know I could just throw sharp objects at her then that would solve everything? Well maybe not but any change is good...and change is hard for me...But I will do what I need to do.
By the way thanks for reading me and understanding what I am going through and maybe you can get this anxiety and obsession out of me?