"Which Was/Is Better?" I Asked Myself in Another Entry ;-)

  • March 17, 2023, 8:25 a.m.
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For months, my oldest brother had been reminding that his birthday was coming. Over and over. He is now 73. Acting like a little kid. I have never been good at birthdays. Buying and sending cards or doing that email thing. Could not do that with him since he has no computer or internet. He has plenty of money from having lived extremely frugally if not miserly. He has helped me when needed and never when asked. I got that pride thing. Don’t ask for help.

What do you get the person that has everything he wants or needs?
A big fucking PIZZA.
A rent raise of about $50 blew my monthly budget. Unexpected. I looked at how much I had left until my next SS payment. Yeah there was that water leak of $250 for repairs that did not help. I am strapped for cash now but…Bro had a birthday yesterday. I thought of a speech I could give him about how strapped I am for cash now and hit you for your birthday later. Fuck you, Scott. Wednesday I ordered an X-Large with a bunch of fairly nutritious toppings and had it sent to my bro’s house. The house WE grew up in. I called him to tell him it was coming. He tried to talk over me. For fuck sake shut up and listen, bitch! I got through. Note to myself: Don’t ignore what people are saying and rush to talk bullshit over them. LISTEN DAMMIT LISTEN! I got through and he thanked me. Surprised, I believe. I made a call later to see if all was good. He said yeah and he had piled the leftovers up into the fridge. THAT is what I do, I told him and we both laughed about it. It was cool. Yesterday I left a voicemail wishing him a happy birthday. I hope he had fun. Food is always a good gift.

I faced my inner grumbling about now having about $50 per week for food for the next 3 weeks. Selfish are we? Fuck you, Scott. Make it a game like you often do. How do I get ONLY what I need to survive on now without cheating and hitting my savings? I like that game and challenge. Carefully written masterpiece of a grocery list. What do I need to SURVIVE? Good man. I am cool about it thinking of how my brother never orders a pizza. A GOOD ONE. He buys that frozen 2 item cardboard shit. Ugh! It feels good to prioritize the feeling of making someone feel good for a few days instead of me being a grumpy lying miserly fuck. Translation: It feels good to do a good thing and then teach myself more financial discipline with grocery shopping ;-)

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