My Human Mind... in Me Being Me

Revised: 03/15/2023 1:42 p.m.

  • March 15, 2023, 7 a.m.
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  • Public

Is not right because I have all this anger towards one person and I really don’t care one way or the other if they live or die. And I don’t care that they are so slfish and uncarring.
I like to think that I am a very libral type of person and that I try to make everyone happy except me. I have been like this my wwhole life and it really hasn’t worked out that well. Because I am the one who is suffering so to speak. Some people just don’t get it… When i explan something about me they think that I am full of shit and I don’t know what I am talking about. Like with this heat thing....I told the landlady that I sleep better and I am generally happier when I am comfoprtable. But with the way she has control of this heat there never is any comfort. I am either too cold or too hot depending what room I fo into and there is no consistancy with the heat. So I wake up miserable and hating the world and then by the time the heat comes on I go have a nap because I figure I never know when the heat will go down to 62 so I figure an hour or two of sleep with add on to my night time sleep till the heat goes down. And when the heat is not at 68 I turn the oven on till the tempature reaches 70. I know this is a waste of elctricity but what else can I do that she will approve of? Actually almost everything I wanted like the space heater she said no because she is afreaid of fire and I asked for the heat to stay at 68 and she said no and I didsuggest an electric blanket and she said she would pay the electricty for that. How can she say no to that? She already pays for the electricity so what would she say no? But then I decided that with the electric blanket I would get way too hot and I don’t like that. So there is no elctric blanket. So I figure the oven is the most expensive electric thing so I am using that and I don’t care how much her electricity will cost.
I really hate being so selfish it’s just not who I am but there has to come a time where I am number one and everyone else is number two and three.
The thing I really prefer is to get along and to have communication because without those there is nothing…not even being an aquaintance. I just look at the person and think not much and don’t care if they live or die. I think this is called being Meh. But the one thing I do know for a fact is that no one in this world can take away my feelings and whatever they are they are valid. And asl long as I don’t hurt anyone then I can do what I want. And even me saying what is on my mind is okay, because it’s just words. And if you know me well enough then you know I will never ever actually do what I have said.
I have a question? How does a person stop thinking about wanting to do harm to a person? Is that doable? But the one thing I am slowly doing is just not caring and I think for right now it is working....I still have a long ways to go but I seem to be happier.

Onto something else…

Last nights dinner turned out really good. I think this will be my new go to chicken drumsticks recipie in the airfryer. I just need to learn and do other things like vegetables in there also.
But tonight I want to make meat loaf and this is the new recipie I am going to use.....

I am finding that I am making a lot more Keto recipies and so far they have turned out really good.

Onto something else....

I think I have figured out why my washer leaks and that is because the hose that goes from the pump to the rinse is either clogged or bent or broken and it only leaks sometimes so it will be like pulling eye teeth to get the idiot landlady to fix it. because she doesn’t fix things unless she can see it malfunctioning. And she won’t take my word for it because I have no idea what I am talking about. And when I have told her what I read or who I talked to she she tells me that the people have no idea what they are talking about and the information I read is all wrong. But then she does the exact same thing and fixes it. But she never fixes it perfectly.

Onto something else…

Well I need to stop here…
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe, and Behave.

Last updated 6 days ago

Beret 6 days ago

For as long as I have read your diary you have been complaining about the landlady. Every single day. Why don't you do something about it? The conditions you are living in, i.e., mold, are not good for your health. Just get out of there.

Jodie Beret ⋅ 5 days ago

That is a lot easier said then done. And if I had the money I would be moving in a heart beat but right now there is just too many expenses so I am forced to stay here. And the reson I am always talking about this idiot is because by law she has to fix things and she isn't. And I want to be fair and give her a chance to fix this because when I do move she will have to fix it anyways for the next enters and if it's like this they won't be living here. I do have other options but I am not ready to take them just yet....but I will and I will win...

Gulf Girl 5 days ago

I realize that not everyone is in a position to move as soon as they want to. I've had to deal with crappy landlords too, and it took me half a decade before I could afford to escape. You certainly won't be trapped there forever. You'll get a chance to get out sooner or later.

Jodie Gulf Girl ⋅ 5 days ago

I know. But in the meantime I just wish that we got along and that she actually listened to me and don't tell me I am wrong and I know shit. That is why I hate her so much...and there is zero communication and no inspections.

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