I can't tell my narcissist mother that she is a narcissist, but maybe a therapist can. in Why I'm angry

Robin reached out to me on Christmas to say she hopes to have insurance next year for therapy, so, to start preparing, I created this “A Working Entry to My Mom” document because she “truly wants to know what [she’s] done or not done for both of [her] biological children to sever a relationship with [her].”

Ugh, I hate her.
So, I started working on a document to answer exactly that for her, through her therapist. Boy oh boy were my words FLOWIN’. Everything from the big umbrellas of how I have serious issues with how she is as a person and how she raised me to the little things like telling me she had sex in one of my numerous childhood beds and acting like it was funny. I copied and pasted parts of my previous writings. I transcribed her words regarding how she cannot see her transgressions and/or that her transgressions are forgiven or okay because:
- It was better than what she had growing up
- She did her best
- She certainly tried not to [mess us both up]
- She “tried super hard to keep the abusive behaviors from happening to [me] and [my] brother that [she] survived”
- She had no idea how to value herself (so she couldn’t teach me to value myself)

I find myself being hopeful about answering this question for her and I am always down for more therapy. Will I be more angry with her if/when it fails? What if, as she has always done, stands in the way of her own happiness? To REALLY see me as a person and see the pain that she caused me, the lasting damage it has done on my brain chemistry and psyche - I just don’t think she has it in her. Her defense is to revert to her own pain so she doesn’t have to deal with anybody else’s pain. I think it would be too much for her.

Somehow, I am the courageous, independent, curious, logical daughter of a broken, disturbed coward who lives in a constant state of emotional distress.

Are there other stories of females who went through what she alleges she went through? How did they turn out? Did her early and continued trauma define her so much that she really is unable to work through it? Does early trauma limit your ability to grow later in life? If so, by how much?

Questions. So Many Questions.

Last updated January 02, 2023