Fuck her in Why I'm angry

I met with my therapist
I met with my primary care provider
We increased my Lexapro to 20mg
Next he said would be Cymbalta
Kyle sat in on my therapy this morning
It was a really good session

What I was doing was working for awhile but for this that or the other reason(s), it’s slowly become not enough. So yeah, something’s gotta change. Gotta dive deep.

Funny enough ending my last entry with “Fuck [Robin].” gave me an outlet, somebody to blame my mental health problems on. I stopped crying, washed my face, and went back to work. And today in therapy we revisited the idea that when emotions don’t have a normal/appropriate outlet, they can come out as another emotion. Ultimately my big “I’m gonna kill myself” episodes are my black and white thinking brain saying “I’m tired! And angry! Why me! I don’t want to live like this anymore! Rah so angry!” Etc

So we explore the anger, grieve the childhood, Etc

And the second I said Fuck her, my guard dog/werewolf part of self eased up on beating myself up to… anger towards her. Which is allegedly what this is all about.

I’m angry that I can’t just put this behind me. I want it to be done. I want it to be behind me.

But the way out is in.