Thoughts On Impermanence in Personal/Reflections

  • Aug. 5, 2022, 5:41 a.m.
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I have deleted and created new accounts a few times. I think I did save a few entries in the past but more recently the whole concept of “Impermanence” makes it all seem meaningless. What does my life matter to anyone but myself? There seems an egotism to that as well. That whole focus on “I, Me”. As I live and breathe and constantly change it matters but already writing this, I know I am dust. All that I BELIEVED I owned is dust in the future. The fingers hitting the keys to make the words were once smaller and not large enough to hit such keys. The keys existed and then did not. My fingers are varicolored and so much of that is probably from wound/scab/scar/blend with body but remain CHANGED as such. I once had a full head of hair. All my teeth. A cock that erect with a mind all it’s own! Now all of that is no more. Balding.Missing teeth. A cock that had it’s lustful time and then gone with desires.

So many of us hold others captive in our memories with frozen images of them from the past. We do not acknowledge them NOW or do not know them NOW. In this, WE are the captives. We all change. For me, the foolishness and trauma of youth became a temporary wisdom of Age…while this brain and mind last.

The largest organ of my body, my skin, was once tight and much of it blemish free. For a few years of changes, pimples in youth. My skin has changed with the abuse of life. Many cuts and minor injuries. Abdominal scars that are hard to see. Once tight skin that sags with the changes of age. We worship youth in our cultures but worship it in all around us and in ourselves while we can because that changes. IMPERMANENT. We are shocked and lament how our entertainment heroes are one-day radiant gods in our youth then later we see how tragic they are because their changes are just like we mortals. Once we accept them as such it is no more a tragedy. It is Impermanence. Like all those changes that seem alarming BECAUSE we want to NOT change. NOT age. NOT become what society calls “ugly”. Resisting the acceptance of change in ourselves and others causes great pain.

An example:
I worked in a factory for 43 years and when that factory suddenly went out of business, my mind started to collapse with LOSS. Logically, I knew it would come to that, some day. I did not want to see that day and feel that loss. Like any
other loss, a painful one because I never wanted things to change. My body was being destroyed working there but I could accept that. NOT the loss of that place and routine in my life. Resisting the thought of such a massive change caused me great pain - and still does. I dream of THAT place every night in some mutant distorted way. Logically I know I need to see what is in front of me and around me and accept THIS as my reality. I have looked at images of the closed factory. I went there to look at it. I walked around it and felt memories well up but it was like seeing the body of someone we loved once full of life now dead. Death is such a mind slap dramatic change. Like when I watched my mother dying then saw her body. DEAD. Without the rise of breath in and out of her body, she was hard to recognize as lifeless. But gruesomely she was still changing. Those changes horrify us but they ARE part of IMPERMANENCE. Once the spark of conscious life dies the body lives on for a time in biological ways of decomposition which is not good or bad: It is CHANGE. IMPERMANENCE. The factory was that way too. I can look at the roof of it from Google Earth and see how IT changed and grew with additions over the decades. The building body is old and slowly falling apart with decay. The animated sparks of life in it have been gone for over a year now. It is a cadaver. A body up for sale seeking new lives to animate it. The grieving pain slowly fades accepting it as just another change in my life. From the womb to my parents house to this house now. From working most of my life to now it seems waiting for death and as I do so, accepting and facing IMPERMANENCE with a renewed sense of wonder in my life. I have come to see all things in constant motion and change. Yesterday’s breakfast will leave me soon, changed. The forms of it before and after I ate it changed.

The greatest illustration of impermanence beyond these many words is simply this: You breathe in and the breath is used to give you life. You release the breath. You cannot keep it. Like all we think we possess or own. We in a way breathe it in and with time we exhale it from our lives. Life breathes US in as we take our first breath being born and life exhales us as we die.

Asenath Waite August 05, 2022

I think of forests, of beds of lichen and moss, ant hills and spider colonies. Every individual is born and dies, but the life cycle goes on, the species evolves, and that genetic material is not wasted.

Except for people like me, who don't procreate. I tell myself that I'm helping the greater good by not contributing to overpopulation.

Scott Asenath Waite ⋅ August 05, 2022

So many women asked me why I never had kids. Such a very long LOGICAL answer. Never should be decided on with emotion. Something like...WELL, I got me this huge farm and I needed some help with it so the missus and I we worked hard to make those 14 kids!

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