I use to see a lot of my family all the time. I don’t think I have seen most of them for more then 25 years. Ever since my grandfather on my moms side of the family I haven’t seen any of my cousins or any of my aunts and uncles. And I have no idea who is still alive or dead.
Although I did find a lot of my family stuck up and snobbish I really didn’t like spending a lot of time with them especially my first cousins. And since they had their children I haven’t met most of them ever and the ones I did meet were when they were toddlers and one I met when he was in high school but other then that I don’t know them a t all. And I do ask my mom how they all are but there is never much said about them and what they are doing. And the sad thing is that I haven’t ever talked to them or seen them which is okay with me. But then they don’t even know who I am or even if I exist because no one ever talks about me. And because I haven’t done as much as they have my life seems to be not that important to them. They all grew up and did something with their lives and are now successful people who are contributing to society. Unlike me.
But the older I get the more I wish I did have something more with these people because one day I will need them and they won’t be around. So I have always considered that my family is very toxic and I want nothing to do with them and since they don’t care about me why should I care about them?
For a lot of years I always wished all my cousins a happy birthday or a happy holiday and they never said anything to me. Unless I say something they never say anything to me.
So there are only a select few that I am very close to and that is my immediate family and they are always there when I want to talk to them or phone them or even see them.
I have been thinking a lot about when my parents finally die and what I will do and how I will cope and if I will hate myself even more for not being the daughter that I should have been all these years. So in the last 20 years or so I have tried to stay close to my parents and talk to them all the time. I know I would feel horrible if they died and I wasn’t there so i am doing my best to be the daughter I should be.
Onto something else....
Well after work today hubby starts his holidays and so far all we got planned is to do some grocery shopping and get my new prescription and then my birthday meal. And hopefully my son will be feeling good enough to come for the day. He still has a sore throat and a cough and he says it hurts to swallow, so hopefully that won’t last too much longer.
And tonight’s dinner is going to be cheese burgers and French fries or tater tots and some canned vegetable.
Well I need to stop here and start my day.
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe and Behave.
Last updated July 23, 2022