Was talking with my therapist yesterday and she hit me with a good question after I had been prattling on about different times of my life and various states of being - stoned, drunk and strict sober.
A question of WHEN Or WHAT Or WHO is your essential core self? When were you that and what was that person who was that person?
I had to think for a moment and then beaming I said, “NOW. THIS VERSION OF ME IS THE BEST. MY ESSENTIAL DEFINITION OF SELF. MY BASE SELF WHO I TRULY AM.
There was an unspoken question: Was that drunk and stoned guy the REAL me?
No, it was not. Was that drunken argumentative melodramatic maudlin person the REAL ESSENTIAL ME?
No, it was not.
I believe the Essential Self, the core self is a person that is the most clear-headed lucid, and SOBER of your self NOT hiding behind any illusions—NOT hiding behind illusions and self-induced smoke screens of crazy and bullshit.
Looking through my life, which version of ME of SCOTT was the best version of me? Which of me was and is the most representative of SCOTT looking through these thousands of days?
Physically my best self was long ago but now I truly believe the person that I am at peace with and like as me is NOW. THIS VERSION WRITING THIS. The melodrama maker is gone. The good guy honest great sense of humor man is here and I like him. At times I want to destroy him but that is just all of me at times just wanting to not be.
I have known people that said they were at their best when high or drunk or this or that. But I believe that is bullshit. I would love to go into a woman and exit into a new world with the consciousness I have NOW. Be reborn as THIS person I am inside, NOW.
If we individuals evolved like thousands of years of a species, which one of that human you would be the one you felt the most at peace with? Which one would you feel the best about as a person? A guilt-ridden person of long ago? Some form of young you? Old or young mind and emotion?
I would want to be reborn as THIS self of this mind as I am now. I went through some shit in life but I am not broken by it. I grew through it. I grew from and because of it and like how I have become.
What about you?
If you do not feel you are the person that is the best of all the YOUs in your life history, why not become that NOW.