Who/What Is Your CORE Self? in StuffScottWrote

  • June 22, 2022, 8:42 p.m.
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Was talking with my therapist yesterday and she hit me with a good question after I had been prattling on about different times of my life and various states of being - stoned, drunk and strict sober.

A question of WHEN Or WHAT Or WHO is your essential core self? When were you that and what was that person who was that person?

I had to think for a moment and then beaming I said, “NOW. THIS VERSION OF ME IS THE BEST. MY ESSENTIAL DEFINITION OF SELF. MY BASE SELF WHO I TRULY AM.

There was an unspoken question: Was that drunk and stoned guy the REAL me?
No, it was not. Was that drunken argumentative melodramatic maudlin person the REAL ESSENTIAL ME?
No, it was not.

I believe the Essential Self, the core self is a person that is the most clear-headed lucid, and SOBER of your self NOT hiding behind any illusions—NOT hiding behind illusions and self-induced smoke screens of crazy and bullshit.

Looking through my life, which version of ME of SCOTT was the best version of me? Which of me was and is the most representative of SCOTT looking through these thousands of days?

Physically my best self was long ago but now I truly believe the person that I am at peace with and like as me is NOW. THIS VERSION WRITING THIS. The melodrama maker is gone. The good guy honest great sense of humor man is here and I like him. At times I want to destroy him but that is just all of me at times just wanting to not be.

I have known people that said they were at their best when high or drunk or this or that. But I believe that is bullshit. I would love to go into a woman and exit into a new world with the consciousness I have NOW. Be reborn as THIS person I am inside, NOW.

If we individuals evolved like thousands of years of a species, which one of that human you would be the one you felt the most at peace with? Which one would you feel the best about as a person? A guilt-ridden person of long ago? Some form of young you? Old or young mind and emotion?

I would want to be reborn as THIS self of this mind as I am now. I went through some shit in life but I am not broken by it. I grew through it. I grew from and because of it and like how I have become.

What about you?

If you do not feel you are the person that is the best of all the YOUs in your life history, why not become that NOW.


Deleted user June 22, 2022

Who then is this Scott now writing this?

"Who is it now, in my ear, who hears my voice? Who speaks words with my mouth?"
- Rumi

A useful exercise sometimes in this circumstance is to outline your core values. In the process, you can maybe note what really gets you going. But the values really point towards who you are. It's not an exercise to rush, but one to really chew over.

Scott Deleted user ⋅ June 22, 2022

Been doing for a lifetime

Deleted user Scott ⋅ June 22, 2022

I spent time in the ruins of Sukhothai writing out my values. It ended up being two pages when later typed, and I modified it over the years, but the first three bits could be summarized by, “Here we are, now, together, amid the infinite, amid the eternal, against all odds, and our time is limited.”

Telstar June 22, 2022

You're obviously a lot more intelligent than your average wooden ladder inspector, or whatever it was that you did.

Who knows why we end up as we do?

Scott Telstar ⋅ June 23, 2022

Thank you I was an inspector of wood for the manufacture of wood ladders. Quality control of wooden materials

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