Talked to my therapist today about why so much does not bother me (and why other stuff does).
As long as nobody has a weapon pointed at me or the cops are not going to put me away or some lunatic is not going to go full psycho on me, most of the time I just don’t give a shit what insults are tossed my way.
Working in the factory we would often toss insults at each other and laugh. Had to be careful WHO you did that with. Called a woman a name once in jest and she tried to get a posse on me. I was more careful after that. “Hey fucker!” Hillbilly and I would yell at each other. Made us laugh. Maybe more such shit talk. A little secret in life is this: WORDS have only the meaning WE GIVE TO THEM. Someone want to call you names, fine. Try not to laugh. The tone is what matters, like the growling of an animal or how a skunk will turn it’s ass toward you flicking it’s tail. THEN you know yer fucked! But WORDS? Words are funny. The religious used to make a big thing about taking the lords name in vein when I was a kid. No goddamits. No “Jesus Christ!” but they were favorites and eventually when I became an atheist they were words for emotion and noise not having a god damned thing to do with religions or deities. A religion will teach you to fear fucking WORDS. Words THEY GIVE IMPORTANCE TO! Now if I said such foul language as I often use in front of someone that does not know English, it would not matter. I could go up to someone smiling and greet them with, “hey you mother fucker!” and clap them on the shoulder. Would not mean shit.
I have been threatened and come close to violence over the years. Violence has been attempted on me but most of the time I got out of it. Like with dogs and other mammals there is that period of noise. I used to get bullied by an asshole at work. I put up with it until one day I got up and screamed in his face ready for him to go psycho violent on me. I had had it with his shit. He backed off and shut up. He was a great guy. When he needed something. Even now I can feel for him because…must be a bitch to go through life as an asshole.
“Asshole!” An excretory orifice. Nope not me! It’s a joke I play with myself when someone calls me a name. “Hmmm am I a mother fucker? Oh I did fuck a few mothers so yeah I was”. Ah yes and then the mind fucks people try. Company owners and bosses. Threats. Bullying. Play the game and wait it out and know your own worth is greater than they will ever know or assume.
When someone is being critical of me or insulting, I look at THEM. Ok WHY? Why are you so fucked up inside you feel a desire to attack ME? Ah compassion ;-) I told my therapist today that looking back on when my father was hitting me, I feel some compassion for him. He was fucked in the head but it was NOT WHAT I SAID OR DID. It was in HIM just as it often is with angry people. Ok say your shit and calm down.
Verbal insults are cheap and easy to roll with. Will it lead to violence? Ok that is the concern. The insults are often meaningless. The dangerous one’s are the manipulators and controllers who do not use real bad street words. They try to humiliate and degrade. But see that. I saw it with my former boss and others. You are so fucked up inside you have to say THAT to me.
So you think with some compassion, “Oh you poor stupid motherfucker” and don’t let it bother you.
Fuck It, Drive On.