Me + Depression =4ever<3 in Why I'm angry

Depression is a lens. A cloudy filter. It distorts your truth, your reality.
How much of me is depression? Am I a negative person or is the depression making me negative? Am I an irritable person or is that the depression? Am I a sensitive, hypercritical, doesn’t know who she is person? Or is it all rooted in my anger? Soothe the anger, heal and things could get better? But how?

I’m angry that it tricks me. My truth is suddenly dark and alone and I want to runaway. That’s what is natural/familiar (I still don’t understand the difference) - runaway. So when depression flares, I could potentially pause and instead of surrendering right away, I could maybe stand up to it - to the destructive thoughts.
Or I could let it take me.

I have been having more “in this moment I am happy” moments. I appreciate them even if I’m still thinking about death.