I look back on my life and remember (vaguely) so much of the mean shit said and I mentally shake my head in wonder at how…IT NEVER MEANT SHIT. For a moment or minutes or days, people hung onto the words and gave them emotion, and then that faded …as did the memory of what happened. For example, all the mean shit my former boss said to me over 40 years working with him never mean shit looking, TODAY. I DO recall maturing and growing and being able to think then laugh in a moment, “this is not going to mean a thing in a very short time.”
Or something like that.
I realized that someday I would look back and that day looking back would be today …or tomorrow and I would shrug and laugh and lament just a bit how I gave so much importance in the cruelty or stupidity of another and made my OWN LIFE MISERABLE when there was no need to because someday I would be looking back like this.
I feel I am fortunate in being able to look back like this and see this because Others in history and life have died from it. No, not that bullshit of “OH HE/SHE HURT MY FEELINGS TODAY!” but the mean-ness and genuine CRUELTY that kills. The bullshit I suffered never put me in a mass grave. It never blinded me, imprisoned, or crippled me. It was just WORDS. Some fucked-up individuals having a shitty day passing it on to Others. Harmless cruelty that faded like your breath on a winter’s day. It was not an ice storm that killed.
There was an expression I heard long ago that clicked with me. “Fuck it, Don’t Mean Nothin’“
From the Urban Dictionary: it don’t mean nothin
Coined by G.I.'s in Vietnam. A reverse coping expression indicating that it means everything and I'm about to lose it. Usually used to dismiss witnessing or experiencing something so horrific that it can't be comprehended by the psyche. Alternately used as an expression of relief that one has avoided being killed even if they are injured or maimed.
Witnessing ones close friend be killed turning away and saying with a stone face ... it don't mean nothin
Yeah, I had half my leg blown off. .. but, you know, it don’t mean nothin`
I look at all the shit that went down and look around and go… “fuck it, it never meant shit”. All that bullshit I got through WAS just bullshit and I survived the cruel mother fuckers and assholes.
Here’s one for the present:
FIDO. Fuck It, Drive On.