chocolatechip has had it... in And So It Goes....

  • Oct. 10, 2021, 3:54 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

I am over-worked and sleep deprived. That is not a good combination. The intermittent knocking on my door, late at night is taking its toll. Friday night was the worst. I went to bingo, then came home and got on my laptop. I listened to music videos until 11pm. At 5am, someone pounded their fist against my door. I could not get back to sleep for a while. I was startled. When I did get back to sleep, Bear rang my phone. It was 6:30am. I did not answer it. I have been stealthily working on my apartment, cleaning-wise and laundry-wise for quite a while. I do not understand why people bother me. I am the nicest, kindest, and most caring person in this building. It’s true.
Yesterday, I swept all of my apartment’s laminated flooring with a broom and dust pan. I then did laundry. Today, I dry-mopped my flooring with a swiffer mop and dry cloths. Even though yesterday I swept, the dry cloths picked up dirt, dust hair and particles of various kinds. I then did laundry. Tomorrow, I will once again use the swiffer mop, only with the wet cloths. I will clean all of the flooring. I will then continue on with the laundry. I am tapped out, mentally, physically and emotionally. My floor will look very nice. That is a good thing because I am selling my mantle to someone, and I want my apartment to look nice when they come to get it. There is a large Vizio television on top of the mantle. It is very heavy. They said they would help me take it down.
Life has many twists and turns. There are many how’s and why’s. Sometimes we never do find the answers, unfortunately. I keep plugging along, doing the best that I possibly can. Sometimes I have passing thoughts of ending it all. I would never act on those thoughts. I do not have a plan, and have not made any attempts. I suffer from Bipolar 1 Disorder, for which I take Gabapentin and Vraylar. I take WEllbutrin for major depression. I take Aripiprazole (Abilify), because my depression has been hard to treat. They call it the “kicker” medication. I take Vistaril for anxiety and Minipress for post-traumatic stress disorder. The PTSD, I believe is due to what I endured in my first failed marriage. Those of you which have been following me for a long time know my history. Just for the record, “Corpse” I do not appreciate your nasty, rude and twisted comments. What I am getting at, in revealing my psychiatric history and prescribed medications is that, the last thing that I need in my life is the stress that I am under with being stalked. The extreme stress affects my mental well-being and even causes severe arthritic flare-ups. Couple that with being sixty years old and living alone, is a recipe for disaster. I am going to bed early, tonight. My nurse practitioner whom writes the scripts for my psychiatric medications will be phoning me in the morning to consult with me through tele-medicine. Goodnight. I hope that all of you are doing well.


patrisha 6 days ago

I hope writing about how you are feeling has helped you feel a little better? I find writing about I am feeling helps me a lot.

chocolatechip patrisha ⋅ 5 days ago

Journaling and writing poetry helps me immensely.

Purple Dawn 6 days ago

Is she still bothering you?
I hope that writing things down helps you too, like Patricia said.
Take care,

chocolatechip Purple Dawn ⋅ 5 days ago

Writing helps me to purge, emotionally.

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