Someone recently angered me. First reaction: Beat the shit out of them. Punish! How dare you kick my ego in the nuts! Second reaction laughing at myself for that and 3rd being analytical of WHY felt angry. It is like finding a hole in a hose. Go down the length of it and find the break. When angry go inside and find WHY. Drop the ego and have a look. I was able to see why and let it go. I patched up my perceptions then in the next days made a joke of it. The other person may feel they “won” by their getting me angry. I feel growth that I see WHY in me. I saw it irritating me for a few days and noticed that person and their ability to irritate me, living rent free in my head. A eviction has been done.
So I have seen myself dwelling on what__ and ___ (etc) said. Analyzing the shit out of it. Now I have come to a simplistic conclusion that so many people are fucked-up inside and lash out at others wanting them to feel shitty because they do. Hey! Here’s an insult! Join me in the shitty feeling room! Just as the healthier-minded people will reach out with a smile, kind words and try to lift others up.
I am trying to be a logical landlord in my own mind these days. You are not paying the rent and making a mess of the space you are in INSIDE ME so get the fuck out! It is up to me to get them out and then try to clean up that space they occupied in my mind. NO SQUATTERS!
I am going through the Complex of my mind and looking at who and what i think of. A big one is the right-wing in the USA that I often think about. I think of them with some trepidation. I tell them to pay half the rent because I need to see what they are up to. I got the “rent-free in mind” idea from a joke a female politician made about some orange haired fool. It made me look at who is not paying rent in my mind. People from my past. Past memories. “Past” is a big reason for eviction from my mind. Not present. At night there are parties in the squatter rooms. It happens as I am trying to sleep. The noise of anxiety about WHAT COULD AND WHAT IF. Ah and thig and that may happen or look out for THAT! Here is an application. Leave the building and apply in the morning for special rates on rent. I need to sleep now.
Reasoning helps. Cold logic. Empathy about that other person or even myself.
When I look at the squatters in my head, I need to laugh and shrug and mutter, “fuck it, don’t mean nothin’” because rarely if ever does it or they mean anything. Ah my ego got bruised and I am afraid! No need to be. Face whatever is felt to be feared. On the street outside the dwelling and not inside with the rent payers.