I am in the stage of life I never expected to be in. Retirement. Fortunate enough be getting barely enough to get by. It’s living on the edge every day. It’s a realistic view. Constantly budgeting and budgeting and living as frugal as I can. I laugh at times thinking how now I am just trying to see how long I can stay alive.
Mid October my first SS payment. Due to TCF being bought out by Huntington and the transition happening in the next 2 weeks, things may be fucked up. Getting new glasses next week. Once the banking thing is normalized it will be back to counting food and trying not to spend money on anything. If I do it right, I can throw some extra into savings. I have a little savings now but if a hard wind hits and fucks up my house that will blow the savings out.
This will be the first year I have not had 2 days off for Thanksgiving in 43 years. The first year I will not have any Christmas party at work or bonus from the company. Nothing to look forward to there. For the rest of my life. I write this with AMUSEMENT because I have nothing BUT time now. Watch the world pass. Try not to get sick or injured. Hey old bastard, beware of organ failure!
I have lived in disbelief of all this since I lost my job back in March. Every day I have been living in slow-burning fear of fucking something up to knock me on my ass. I am doing ok. It is terrifying, living alone with nobody I can turn to if I need help. No neighbors. I have some family but I found out they rarely answer their phone so if I had an emergency it would go to voice mail. Try not to get sick or injured. More amusement at the simple act of showering these days: Be VERY CAREFUL and do NOT FALL YOU OLD FUCK! Baffled disbelief and gratitude I got to be this age.
I am going to work on trying not to get Dementia and other diseases. Things I never dreamed I would have to think of.
It’s such a weird thing to me to measure my time by school buses. No school buses passing twice a day = weekend or holiday.
My dad had a pension, retirement and SS. He was smart and did good. The factory I worked for had a 401K but I never felt I was paid enough to put much into it. I seemed to always be just scrabbling to survive.
I need to find a way to be more social and not this bunkered old guy hermit. It is funny now how I look at some OLD people and wonder if I may have gone to school with them long ago. I think I aged fairly well. Not many extra chins and not masses of wrinkles. Normal old fucker skin. Live clean and live as long as I can. My new hobby ;-) SURVIVAL.