So the new apartment is all set for the move. It’s in an area we like, it has everything we want. But it’s a bit more expensive than we wanted to go…but time was tight and we had to get there and this place happened to open up just in time. We had given up on this apartment complex honestly. I’m really anxious to get there. It looks so nice and it will really be our space. We can settle in. We knew taking care of my moms house in this state was temporary and we don’t love it here so we never really settled in.
I haven’t settled in anywhere since I was a kid. I’ve moved almost every year if not more for the last twelve years at least. So every place I have lived its the bare minimum and looks like a serial killer lives there. No pictures of decorations. No frills. It’s just the place where I keep my shit. Not home. I’m also not sentimental about things in general. I could lose all my stuff and be fine emotionally, just inconvenienced. Sometimes I’m tempted to just throw everything away and start over lol. Especially when I move.
But yeah, looking at how my life was going for so long I’m like “who am I?” It’s more boring to tell people about but I’m so much happier. Maybe it’s because I’m getting old? I’m very content and happy with everything. I feel secure in my relationship the first time in my life. I feel I can make plans for the future. I am building a great resume with a socially acceptable job that I actually enjoy and want to get education to advance (I’ve never given a shit about anything before).
We have hard stuff happen…like my back for instance. We’re broke a lot now since I’ve been unable to work. The surprise move combined with surgery has been exciting… ugh. But I know I have a reliable teammate so that helps a lot.
The only thing I miss about my past life is the money. And I know once I get back to work when we move I’ll miss the free time too.
But I’m hoping to have some of that life back in my free time. It will be hot. The apartment has a pool. I will get drunk and high and lay out and swim on the weekends. There is also a hot tub for weeknights if I’m not too tired after work. We will go to the restaurants we loved when we lived there before and order lavishly likely just once a month but that’s better than nothing. Maybe, just maybe I’ll get back to where I can have a little shopping spree now and then once I get working and steadily paying bills.
Dare to dream.