06/10/2021 in My Therapy Book

I have been off for a little while so I am going to go long and play a little catch up. I think I will start with how I am currently feeling since it is probably going to directly impact the flow of this post. I sometimes wonder if it is all worth it. Why do we go through the daily struggles for each day just to some sort of replay of a previous day. There does not seem to be any purpose or fulfillment in life. I don’t understand why we must struggle to pull ourselves up everyday to only have shit thrown back at us and knock us down. Work, personal relationships and family all seem to work together to make a life a hell sometimes.
I am going to take a cruise to Alaska, I am not taking my wife or kids, it will be me time. The number of people who have said things about me not taking my wife is beyond belief. I don’t need your input about my relationship with my wife, especially if you have never even been married. Who the hell are you to questions something like that. I hardly do anything strictly for myself and when I do some self care I get “beat up” for it by those around me.
My damn app is still not approved and is bogged down in the shit hole that is the apple approval process. This started back in March and we are still trying to get it approved. No such luck yet. I am meeting with our developer later today to try and get some answers to what is happening. I know the people in India are having some issues abut I am running out of time to have this done for our meeting. I am going to look like a fool once again. The last app was bad enough but at least it finally got approved. This one is not even going to be available.
My son is going to start tackle foot ball and I am not sure how I feel about that now that it is really happening. We are going out to get cleats today after he gets his second covid shot. I am worried he is going to be good at it and like and we might have to look at changing high schools because of that. That sounds so selfish and irrational but it is how I am feeling. He is set up to attend a great magnet school when he is done with Middle School next year but they don’t have a football team. We will see what happens.
My daughter does not seem to be doing much better. It is a daily struggle that never seems to end. Her volunteering at the animal shelter has come to an end. She had a rough day there and the owner called to say that if she wanted to volunteer she would need to step up her game. Eliza’s anxiety kicked in and something that she really liked has now ended. It was her first venture out into solo activity since she was baker acted in February and I think it was a real set back. I saw fresh cut marks (shallow but fresh) on her arm. She is going to start a new counselor soon. All the paperwork has been filled out and we are waiting on Insurance approval I think. The CAT team for intensive care was a little bit of a let down. They did not deliver in my opinion. She has been discharged and we are moving on. Each day gives new hope I guess.
I think that is all I have in me for now though there is so much more going on in my mind. Writing this was an effort.