My mother my entire life has been on some fad diet. She has always told me a man couldn’t love me if I was fat. There was more than one birthday she argued with me I shouldn’t eat my cake because I am to fat. After dad died mom went from a size 16 pants to size 10 because she said dad cheated on her because she was fat. Somedays all she drinks is water a eats a tablespoon of peanut butter because it “fills her up.”
My mom didn’t believe in red meat hardly most of the time we ate baked potatoes and boiled chicken. When I wanted sweets she made me eat vegetables and fruits based off of her proven serving. She would take half my candy bar and punished me if I wanted more.I remember in highschool asking mom if I get my gpa up to a 3.5 can I please have hamburgers and steak.
I can’t eat greasy foods or mixed meats. I get sick easily by spices and hot foods. My ulcers from stress tell me how to live my life. I really wish I could just anything I wanted. My husband and I plan to start eating better. We just got to figure out good recipes.
When I graduated highschool I was a size 10 30 inch waist. I wore size smalls and 36 c bras. I starved myself. Threw up in the bathroom because I had ingrained in my head no man could love me if I was fat. Even as small as I was mom pushed me to be in single digit sizes.. it wasn’t until I got older I realized she was pushing her illness on me. She is toxic to herself.
The negative voices became so bad I decided if I got to be a size 16 and 200 pounds I would kill myself. In college when I got away from the negative comments I did get to size 16s. 40 inch waist 44 ddd busts. In college when I only visited my mom on the weekend I realized that her obcession with dieting is my mother’s problem. Not mine.
I decided to be body positive. I enjoy eating salads but I don’t do it for weight loss. I do enjoy walks but I don’t do it because I hate my body. I have been looking into exercise classes for me and my best friend because it sounds fun.
My best friend Tella wears a 4x my mom has criticized Tella’s size before. Mom tried to push her diet obsession on Tella. I told Tella go through a dietitian. Do what makes you healthy. You are not your scale size. You are beautiful. We can create positive habits and raise our self esteems together. Tella is beautiful. I don’t care she weighs 370 pounds. We are scheduling exercise classes because they are fun. We don’t believe in hating our bodies. I just got her the viral TikTok legging and a matching tie dye bra for us to do yoga and jogging in. Some people might criticize how we look but I value my own opinion more than the opinion of others.
Tella and I have been looking at yoga, Tai chi and goat yoga. I really have been thinking of trying bungee baar. I called them to see what the weight limit is on Aerial Yoga because I thought hanging from silks like the singer Pink would be fun. Good new is the equipment can hold 400 pounds and Tella weight 370. I think we are going to start exercising more.
We deserve self love. We deserve to be healthy and create good habits without hearing negative comments from others. I love my best friend. It doesn’t matter what the scale says we will create healthy habits together.
I love my mom but her bad habits will not be ingrained in me. If I want a damn candy bar I will eat it without quit. I won’t starve or throw up ever again.
I don’t like fitness magazines. As beautiful and as athletic as they are the media still photoshops the image ideal. This is why on my social media I don’t edit my photos this is who I am. Love it or lump it. I don’t live my life to impress you.
Today I am buying a Windys Caesar salad with ranch instead the Caesar dressing and I plan to eat a small frosty. I am not punishing myself but rewarding myself because I talked depressed ass to go to work today.
I am beautiful no matter what they say.. words won’t bring me down. If I ever have kids I want to raise them to love their body instead starve it.