So I’ve been reviewing old entries from OD from 2009 through 2012.
It looks to me like I was used to help him win custody. Details point to it.
In January 2011, we had one of the worst fights we had ever had and a month later he got me pregnant. Asked if we could have a baby....just before the case was finalized. Just after having a string of awful fights.
Reactive abuse started happening when he learned he could make me rage, therefore shifting blame from his rage to me and threw it in my face. He always blamed me for his rage fits. he would fly off the handle all the time over the most simplest of things and I would tell him, out of confusion, that he needs to control himself which would cause even more rage. Now if I keep myself calm and grey rock him, he won’t be able to get me to react to make me look like the crazy one.
Staying quiet and not reacting is going to be so hard. It’s exhausting. He does shit every day to poke, bother, pester, and trigger me.
I’m going to make another chapter. Entries that don’t talk about this stuff but more happy stuff. I’ve been in a state of anxiousness for a few days. My body is showing it - my neck is tense and spasming. I’m exhausted. I’m losing weight despite keeping my calories up. I want salty foods most of all right now.
Last updated June 04, 2021