So today, just a little bit ago I did something.
I had to see for myself.
We had just gotten home from a memorial service for a veteran. SG was asking for something to eat. She got a bowl of blueberries. I went upstairs to change clothes and as I’m coming down I hear “no, you can’t watch a show now. You ate those TOO fast!” - so I questioned what was going on. He was punishing her for eating her blueberries too fast. Ridiculous. So I shook my head and said “I can’t…umm I need to leave before I say stuff I regret later, but I will not stay here and listen to my children being punished for ridiculous reasons”.
Side note. SG has a complicated health condition and she has this desire to eat ALL the time. It’s mental, mostly. She’s 4.5. Not yet begun to really process self control.
So I walk out, calmly. Then I open the door and say “you don’t need to punish her for this”. Well…I’m barely to my truck and he comes out and yells “I don’t need to hear your fucking mouth” and I turn around and I’m like “oh don’t worry, you won’t have to, because I’m leaving, remember?” and I laughed when he slammed the door shut. So I took a deep breath. I went back inside to engage but with control. It’s as if I was able to see clearer. Normally I’m so confused and angry that I can’t see straight. Not this time. He was the one who raged.
I challenged him in front of our child. I could have pulled him to the side or talked later but when I have, it’s same shit. That doesn’t work. I told him as such. He denied. And said “I don’t need you bumping your fucking gums about it. I don’t need to hear it!” I said “I’m a parent and I will step up for them. Always” and he rolled his eyes and said it’s not about that.
He mocked me. He criticized me. Cussed at me. And I asked him several times if he seriously came out just to tell me he doesn’t need to hear my mouth and I get in reply “because here you are - running your mouth still. You can’t just shut up!” And “see? Here you are…still talking” (he was doing 90% of the talking). I asked him where he was while she was eating them. He was sitting on the loveseat four feet away not paying attention. We do have to monitor her food intake. That’s nothing new. And it boggles my mind that HE was punishing HER. I mentioned this and he wanted to bring up how much I’m on the phone. Lol yeah I know I am. I will admit it. But I don’t ignore my kids. He flat out checks OUT mentally, toodaloo, mu-fukkas and has the audacity to bring up my cell phone use 🤡
I explained the whole bit about her health - He told me “that’s why she needs to be taught - how many times a day do we remind her to eat slowly?!” I said “it doesn’t matter how many times. We keep reminding her. This is not a punishable offense. Her health issues are at play and she cannot help it. It’s hard for her. Consideration goes a long ways”.
I ended with “I’m going to advocate for my kids when something isn’t right”. He says he doesn’t need me “bumping my gums at him”.
Waiting till later doesn’t fix what was done to the child in that moment - which is why it needs attention THEN…not later. Control over the children needs to stop.
Last updated May 29, 2021