A couple of nights ago, for a reason that I have zero recollection of now, I decided to do some light social media stalking of my ex, Justin. I had found several months ago that he got married, and a couple of nights ago I saw that he is now a father. I was like, whoa.
That same night I had a dream about Justin. The sexual chemistry between us was as strong as ever, but, unlike all the times we broke up and met up, we did not hook up in the dream. We acknowledged our chemistry, and we also acknowledged the new circumstances. We are both with new people now, and we are invested in our new lives. So, in the dream, we ended up staying up all night together, just enjoying one another’s company and talking.
The next morning, I had a mild version of nostalgia, but then, instead of reflecting on our time together, I started to remember what it was like after we broke up. I thought about how it’s pretty universally accepted that after being with someone for years, when one of the people moves on within a couple of months—that hurts. I think everybody can also agree that seeing it happen hurts. That’s why, these days, after a break up, people usually block one another on social media. You don’t want to see the other person moving on. Except, after Justin and I broke up, he refused to move out and I had to watch him move on five feet from my front door. And I don’t mean “rebound sex” move on. I mean, “he met his next long-term girlfriend” move on. God, that was excruciating.
Anyway. I guess this isn’t really that important, but it soaked up some of my mental energy over the past few days. So, I thought I’d mention it.
Last night I had my third therapy session with Dominique. Things took a turn, and we didn’t really discuss race. She asked me how work was going, and I mentioned how I was frustrated with my supervisor. I told her about the conversation we had during supervision last week, and she shared with me that Bowenian, in fact, is Family Systems. LOL. I did a quick Google search right then and there which confirmed this as true. Then I was like, “I still don’t like how she was talking to me.”
We talked about how this relationship with my supervisor is not special or interesting, because it’s the same relationship I develop with all of my supervisors. Then we talked about my relationship with my dad, and how it’s pretty much paralleled. She also pointed out how much anxiety I seem to feel about my family-client, and how that probably adds to the frustration I felt over our past supervision meeting. This all resonated as true. I talked about how I am always happy to collaborate with other professionals, but I am so looking forward to not having a supervisor anymore. Just a few more weeks…
Things are going pretty good so far today! My daughter seemed to be having a blast all morning, which is always fun for me to see. I told her we were going to go to Dollar Tree to get prizes, and she seemed to be fine with that plan. Then I explained that “prizes” are “new toys” and she lit right up. She was very patient while I spent about 30 minutes washing the dishes, and we were able to get out the door by 10am.
Once we got to Dollar Tree, I was really impressed with how decisive my daughter was. We walked down the seasonal aisle, the toy aisle, the arts and crafts aisle, and the hair and accessories aisle and she picked out the things she liked and put them in the basket. I’d point things out and ask, “do you like that?” and more often than not she’d say, “no.” But when it was a “yes,” she knew it.
We got home and organized the prizes on a high shelf so I have to pick her up in order for her to see them. She tried to go peepee in the toilet right away, but she didn’t have to go yet. We had just enough time to clean up her toys from the morning and set up finger painting, which she had also been looking forward to quite a bit. She was so happy that half way through her second painting she stood up and just started dancing around the room with her paint brush, even though there was no music on. It was super cute.
I fed her lunch and got her ready for a nap, and after we read a book and she got in bed she suddenly looked at me and insisted that she sit on the toilet again. At first I said no, and then she got really upset. So, I said, “Okay, you have one minute,” and she was like, “yes!” I sat her on the toilet and she peed right away.
When I held her up to pick out a prize, I watched her expression. It was the most adorable thing in the world. Her eyes were just glowing and she had a huge smile on her face as she scanned over the prizes. She ended up choosing a baby doll and then she wanted to take it to bed with her for naptime. I allowed it, and I watched her talking to the baby and snuggling it through the video monitor for about 15 minutes before she finally fell asleep.
Now that she’s out, I’m going to finally finish writing my flashcards for my licensing exam. Then I’m going to eat a late afternoon snack before waking her up from her nap early because we have to make it to my oil change appointment by 4pm (and she usually wakes up at 4pm).
After that the only big item on the to-do list is to give my daughter a bath. We bathe her twice per week, and Tuesday night is the most important one because it’s the night before she goes to grandma and grandpa’s house, and they’re Nazi’s about bathing. The past couple of weeks bath time has been an issue, but I’ve been able to convince her to get in the bath by getting in with her. Hopefully I only have to do that a few more times and she’ll adjust and not need me to do it anymore.
All right, well. It’s flashcard time for me. Until next time <3
Last updated April 27, 2021