Chapter 16 in Digital Confessions

  • May 3, 2021, 4:20 p.m.
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February 22, 2010

Hello, everyone. Yeah, I know I’m not doing the greatest job of updating this thing regularly. But now I’ve got plenty to say! Like how they’re going to be publishing my book!!! I couldn’t believe it when I got the acceptance letter, and so fast, too!

I finished it up, edited it, and then sent it to a site that publishes e-books. One of the things about them is that they promise to get back to you within two weeks or less and let you know either way.

So what they’re going to do is include the book in their site inventory for download. Each time it’s downloaded I earn money and the company keeps a percentage, of course. I’ll post the link to it on the profile pages of the social networks I frequent as soon as it’s available!

Once I learned that my story was to be accepted, I knew I could no longer keep the journal secret from Ari, although I planned to set it to private from there on out. Hey, I still want a place where I can call Queen Rena a bitch without anyone in the family reading it, LOL!

I knew Ari would wonder where the extra money was coming from if I didn’t tell her about the book. Not telling her about something is one thing, but lying is another. And I didn’t want to tell her I won it or anything like that, so that’s when I knew that even though I didn’t want to, I would have to mention the story, the journal, the whole nine yards.

Here’s where it gets really wild. I started to tell Ari, trying to find the right words and basically what would be the best way to explain that I’ve been in the habit of putting my life in print online, and while I was at it, I wrote a story and made characters out of her and the family that just happened to be accepted by an online publisher. I first started with the journal part before I mentioned the book. I expected her to react with surprise, maybe even a bit of anger. Instead, she seemed so whatever about it. Then she told me she was already aware of the journal. So instead I was the one to react with surprise and yes, even a little anger. Why the hell didn’t she tell me, I wondered, though she probably wondered the same about me, even if I did mention several times throughout the journal why I felt it best not to mention it to her.

As if that wasn’t shocking and embarrassing enough, it turns out that the whole damn family knows about this journal! Ari, Lucia, Nara – and maybe even Queen Rena herself. From what I was told, Nara got curious one day and found me on one of the social networks. It was there that she stumbled across my journal link. She said she too, thought of bringing it up but felt I’d feel as if my privacy were being invaded, even though it was a public journal. Then she mentioned it to Lucia and later they eventually told Ari about it, thinking it would help her get to know and understand me a little better. I guess they felt it’d be easier for her to read about the things I had a hard time talking about. Ari reacted the way I expected her to react when I brought it up to her myself and was even tempted to try and talk me out of public writing. Guess she felt a little weird about our sex life being thrown online, even if I didn’t have anything bad to say about it other than not always getting enough of it. I can understand her concerns too, but as she’s come to see, I’m very careful about what I write.

Even so, I’m going to be writing privately sometime soon, now that I know my family is aware of this journal. But instead of setting this journal to private, I’m just going to leave it as is and do my journaling in Word.

Comments: (6)
MysticalAngel: Right on! Way to go, girl. Gonna miss your entries, though.
idonotgiveadamn: Yay, congrats to you!
thegirlinthemirror: This is awesome, Melina. I’ll miss you around here.
Amie3497: I must say I am truly envious… and happy for you!
GothicBeauty: While I’m extremely happy for you, the thought of never reading about your wonderful and interesting life has me practically in tears. Really, I’d be heartbroken if you didn’t continue to share at least some of it with me. Can I give you my email address so you can send some entries my way?
MsControversial: Congratulations, Meli!

March 12, 2010

This will be my final entry here if only so I can respond to the latest round of feedback. Anything else you want to say to me must be sent in a private message.

I really appreciate all the nice comments I got. I’ll miss you guys too, but will stop in every so often to comment on your journals and say hello. So just because I won’t be writing here anymore, don’t think I won’t be around! I will be lurking in the shadows. Take care for now and remember to check my profile page for the link to my book once it’s officially published and available for download!

Melina studied the beautiful Indian doll which had been one of her birthday presents she’d received the previous day.

How time flew by!

Next, she began her first private journal entry.

March 21, 2010

Celebrated turning 22 today. Ari will be 31 on April 3rd. The birthday party was fun. I half-expected Ari to suggest we go over to Lucia’s place for a “visit,” but instead we celebrated at home. Ari baked a delicious chocolate cake and then Lucia, Nara, some friends and neighbors, came over with gifts and goodies in hand. Even the Grissini family came over. That’s Daniela’s family.

I couldn’t help but blush like hell around Lucia. No wonder I suspected that she suspected I had a crush on her! I was even a bit embarrassed about the idea of Ari and Nara knowing about it, but I also found the thought amusing at the same time.

At one point Nara and I were alone in the kitchen when I said the best present Ari could give me would be a good fuck later on when everyone was gone. And I just had to say this right as Lucia was entering the room! I felt my face go red and said, “Oops.”

“That’s alright,” Lucia told me. “I’m not the prude some of you young folks may think I am.”

That one got me laughing!

The gift Ari presented me with in front of the others was a perfume and body lotion set in one of my favorite fragrances.

Later on, in private she presented me with naughty but sweet lingerie and a wonderful two hours in bed

Not sure I like this private journal thing. I don’t have to be so big on censorship this way, but there was something fun – even amusing – about the idea of dropping my entries online for the world to see. Maybe I’ll create another public journal someday under a bogus name so that no one who knows me can find it.

Melina stopped typing. She was exhausted. She started to gather up the bright pink wrapping paper used to wrap the box her doll had been in when Ari insisted she leave it for tomorrow and rejoin her in bed for the rest of the night.

She gladly accepted the invitation and slipped in between the cool sheets alongside Ari and yawned. Embraced in each other’s arms, she reflected upon the last year. How different this birthday had been from her last one! When she turned twenty-one she had been in the middle of nowhere with people she’d never see again, and a future that looked so bleak. It amazed her how fast things could change.

Before she knew it, Ari was fast asleep, her breathing shallow and regular. She soon found her own body giving in to sleep as her eyelids fluttered shut.

Melina was walking along the edge of the cliff. It was damp, foggy and windy. She pulled her sweater tighter around her shivering body. Alone and confused, she wandered aimlessly, unsure of where she was. How had she gotten here in the first place? She couldn’t see more than thirty feet through the thick fog. She peered over the edge of the cliff at the foaming waves some twenty feet below. Sharp rocks protruded through the murky water in scattered places.

She wasn’t yet scared, but she was becoming a bit concerned. She had no idea where she was and couldn’t see far enough through the fog to get a sense of her location or if there were any people around that could help her.

Suddenly the clouds overhead opened up and down poured the rain. Her long golden hair was soaked in no time along with her clothes. She began to feel the ground shift and slide beneath her bare feet. She looked downward and was horrified to see the edge of the cliff begin to crumble into the crashing waves below. She quickly tried to move away from the edge, but it was as if the earth had become a powerful magnet, determined to suck her down over the edge of the cliff and into the merciless water below. She started to scream as the unseen force slowly drew her back toward the edge of the cliff in a fury she couldn’t seem to escape.

“Melina! Melina where are you?” she suddenly heard.

A sense of relief and hope surged through her as she recognized Lucia’s voice.

“Here! I’m over here!”

Lucia stepped out of the fog and into view. Her hair was oddly dry despite the pouring rain and she seemed awfully calm.

“Help me, Lucia!” Melina cried as she clawed at the earth and tried to keep from slipping over the cliff’s edge. “Something’s pulling me back!”

“What’s pulling you back, honey? I don’t see anything,” Lucia said in a rather indifferent tone of voice.

“I don’t know. Just help me!” Melina screamed, reaching out a hand to Lucia. “Pull me towards you!”

But Lucia continued to simply stand there, a strange sort of coldness about her. She gazed through Melina with deadened eyes.

Panic welled up inside her as Melina continued to scream for help. Why was Lucia just standing there? Why wouldn’t she help her?

She began to weaken and she felt herself slipping further and further over the edge with no choice but to succumb to the cold, icy dark waters below. Too weak to even scream one last time, she began falling through the air.

Melina woke up and screamed the scream that she was too weak in her dream to let out, waking Ari in an instant.

Ari held her and cooed lovingly at her until she calmed down. This time, once Melina could catch her breath, she told Ari what the nightmare had been about.

“Mamma non lo farebbe mai a te,” said Ari.

“I know she would never do such a thing,” Melina said in Italian.

Still, she had to wonder something. Why was she having so many nightmares lately that included Lucia?

March 28, 2010

Just a few more days till Ari’s birthday. I couldn’t figure out what to get her, but when I spoke to Nara and Lucia, they threw some suggestions at me as to what she would like, and knowing Ari, it does make sense. Her birthday is Sunday. Saturday, Ari and Lucia are going to hang out at the beach. I have to babysit Rena’s kids, so I won’t be with them. But Saturday evening Lucia’s going to take me to pick out a new necklace for Ari. Or maybe it will be a pair of earrings. It just depends on what I find.

Wow, this is going to be one of my shortest journal entries in a while! I just don’t have anything else to say other than that I’m glad I haven’t had any more nightmares recently, with or without Lucia in them.

Melina was just about to shut her computer down when she got a notification in her external inbox that she had a message waiting for her in her internal mailbox on the journal site.

She sighed when she saw it was from Gothic Beauty. “Why am I not surprised?” she muttered to herself, wondering if it was worth dealing with. “I guess I can at least see what she has to say,” she decided and headed over to the journal site to retrieve the message.

Hello Princess Melina,

How are you, honey? Watcha been writing about?


Melina clicked the reply button and typed:

I’m fine, and I have been writing about what’s going on in my life.

Lucia and her daughter sat in their chairs on the beach. It was still early April, so it wasn’t that warm yet. In fact, they had to keep their windbreakers on the whole time they were there. They spoke of family, friends and work, and enjoyed the fresh yet salty seaside air.

After a while, they stopped talking and began to eat the sandwiches they’d brought with them.

Ari studied her mother as she ate. “What’s wrong?” she asked in Italian.

“Oh, nothing,” Lucia replied.

But Ari was sure she had something on her mind. Oh, well. If she didn’t want to talk about it, she wasn’t about to push her.

“How about taking a walk?” Lucia suggested when they were done eating.

“Sure,” Ari said.

Although the beaches were nearly deserted, they locked their purses in the trunk of Lucia’s car but left their chairs where they were.

With their valuable items locked safely in the trunk, they proceeded to walk along the seashore. They had to speak a little louder than usual to hear each other over the rushing winds. They stopped to examine some of the shells along the way as they walked. Soon they were heading into a more secluded area where there was hardly a soul in sight. The ground slowly rose above the water level, and soon they were walking alongside a cliff.

“Be careful,” Ari told her mother. “The edge is steep in some places.”

“I’m ok,” Lucia assured her.

And on they walked.

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