Chapter 15 in Digital Confessions

  • May 3, 2021, 1:43 a.m.
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January 13, 2010

Thanks for the baby feedback I received on my last entry. I think I’m going to just wait and see how I feel in a few years. I did say, after all, that I’d like to wait until I was 25, and Ari and I agreed on this up front.

I wish I could think of something interesting to say. The problem is that there is simply nothing new to write about. It’s too bad too, because I’m in the mood to write. Perhaps I should go work on my story, though I really wanted to write about something that didn’t require as much thinking. Oh well. Maybe when I make my next entry I’ll have something interesting to say.

January 30, 2010

Well, folks, I have learned the true meaning of the saying, “Be careful what you wish for.” The last time around I wished for something more to be able to write about. I felt my life was fun, productive and active, yet growing a bit stagnant with nothing but the same old, same old.

And then Beth and Mitch’s neighbors, Trish and Dylan, called me on the 17th to inform me that they had been killed in a tragic car accident. From the 20th to the 22nd, Ari and Lucia accompanied me to the states to attend their funeral. Ari got the time off from school, and Nara would have too, but Lucia insisted she go along this time since it was Ari and Nara who went to fetch me and bring me to live here. She’d never yet been to the desert or seen where I lived. I think she was as impressed as she was not at all impressed. It was different for her, alright.

Anyway, once the devastating news came, I knew I had no choice but to tell them that they weren’t my biological parents. Talk about an awkward moment! I felt so deceptive, but they took it quite well. Even told me they figured as much. Actually, Lucia said something to the effect of, “We knew and we figured as much. It’s ok, though. Don’t worry about it. Just remember that they’ll always be looking over you from above.”

Really? They knew? And just how did they know?

Next, I contemplated for the zillionth time as to whether or not I should mention this journal, but again I just didn’t see any point in doing so, so I didn’t.

Not surprisingly, I have been very saddened by the sudden and unexpected loss of Beth and Mitch. A semi rammed into their truck and they were killed instantly. So was the driver of the semi. I don’t know if he was drunk or what, and personally, I don’t know that I care. I’m just sorry to lose Beth and Mitch. They were good people. Good people shouldn’t die. Especially when they’re only in their 40s.

On the other hand, this tragedy only makes me more grateful to Ari and the rest of the family here. If it weren’t for them, where would I be right now? Where could I possibly go and how could I possibly live? I would be totally alone in the world.

We stayed at the house when we were in the states. It’s a very small, old and somewhat dingy house. It’s old for the Mexicali area anyway. I could tell the others were uncomfortable. So was I for that matter. The place was rundown, unkempt, and well, Beth and Mitch weren’t exactly the cleanliest of people. But I was too sad for their loss to be embarrassed over their less than tidy ways.

The funeral was what I would describe as quick, formal and low in attendance. The family just wasn’t very big, and it was hard to socialize much and make many friends way out in the boonies like they were.

Trish and Dylan are going to be handling the sale of the house and sending me all the papers and money connected to that once the sale is complete. I don’t expect that to be anytime too soon. Not many people want to live in such peace and isolation. The city and the chaos that normally goes with it are still widely preferred.

I’m still too out of it to write much more at the moment, though I’m sure I forgot some things. I’ll get back into writing when I’m in a better frame of mind.

Comments: (6)
thegirlinthemirror: Sorry for your loss.
GothicBeauty: Oh, Melina, honey. You will never ever be alone for a minute for as long as you live. Or at least as long as I live. I promise you that much!
Bettina: Sorry, Melina. You can PM me anytime you need to chat.
MysticalAngel: Hope you feel better soon. I’m sure they are watching over you and that you’ll all be reunited someday.
hazyshadylady: sorry 4 yur loss, hope things git betta soon.
PixieDust99: Aw, that’s too bad about Beth and Mitch. I hope you feel better real soon. As Bettina said, you can PM me too, if you ever want to talk.

January 31, 2010

Just a quick entry to say that I’m still hanging in there. Still sad, but hanging in there. I think I’m still in shock, too. It’s just so hard to believe Beth and Mitch are gone and that I’ll never see them again. I was looking so forward to them flying over to visit sometime this year, but now that will never happen. They were also looking forward to it, too.

Thanks for everyone’s support in the meantime. They may not have been my real parents, but they were loved and they will be missed.

Thanks, Bettina and Pixie Dust for letting me know I can PM you guys.

As for you Gothic, don’t you think that’s a bit much to promise a virtual stranger in cyberspace?

“Gothic Beauty” was sitting in her living room when she thought she heard scratching sounds just outside the front door. Curious, she rose from her favorite chair and walked over to the door. She turned on the outside light. It was dark, cold and rainy out.

The scratching sounds again.

Taking a deep breath, she reached for the deadbolt and unlocked the door. Then she opened the door to find Melina standing there, arms wrapped around herself, shivering in the chill of the night.

“Oh, my God, Melina. Oh, sweetie, come in, come in!”

Melina stepped inside. Her hair and clothes were damp.

“What are you doing walking around in the rain, sweetie?”

Melina simply shrugged.

“Where’s Ariella?”

Melina looked up at her sadly. “She’s somewhere.”


Melina nodded. “Somewhere over the rainbow.”

“Sweetie, I don’t understand what that means. Here, come on. Come on in the living room where it’s cozier.”

She guided Melina into the living room and sat her down on the couch. The poor girl was like that of a lost and abandoned dog. “Can I get you some hot chocolate?”

Melina shook her head.

“So what happened, babe?”

Still with the sad face, Melina said, “Ari doesn’t want me anymore.”

Gothic Beauty blinked with shock. “Doesn’t want you anymore?”

Melina shook her head miserably, still shaking and hugging herself as she began slowly rocking back and forth on the edge of the couch.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Gothic Beauty said, gathering the girl into her arms.

Melina quickly relaxed and succumbed to being held. Then she said, “Don’t be sorry. I have you now, don’t I?”

“Well, of course you do, honey. Of course you do.”

Melina gazed into her eyes. Then, without warning, Melina’s lips sought hers in a gentle kiss. After a minute or two they pulled back and studied each other’s faces, still hesitating. Then they dropped all hesitation and kissed again, this time more passionately, hands beginning to roam bodies…

Gothic Beauty bolted wide awake. A sense of disappointment and longing came over her. What a wonderful dream she’d been having kissing Melina. She’d never been sorrier to wake up, forever left to wonder what would have happened next. But she was up now and she didn’t want to nap any longer anyway and have a hard time getting to sleep later on that night.

She got up, splashed cool water on her face and made herself something to eat. After she ate, she combed through Melina’s journal entries.

She read one of Melina’s replies to her out loud in a sarcastic tone of voice. “Don’t you think that’s a bit much to promise a virtual stranger in cyberspace?”

Then she sat back in her chair and shook her head. She knew it wasn’t fair of her to react that way every time she read back on that particular entry. It wasn’t Melina’s fault that she didn’t yet know who the hell she was. She’d tell her the same thing if she were in her shoes. But still, it bothered her for some reason.

She stood up and finished packing a box with a large Indian doll in it which she then wrapped in bright pink paper. She was just applying the last piece of tape when the doorbell rang.

Benigno rang the doorbell of one of his favorite houses to deliver mail to. A moment later the tall, dark-haired beauty he’d had the hots for over the last twenty years or so opened the door. Upon recognition, she flashed a white smile at him.

He tried not to blush.

“Ciao, Benigno,” she said to the American-Italian mailman. “What have you got for me today on this fine Saturday afternoon?”

“Looks like a book you must have ordered,” said the mailman. “Sorry to disturb you if it’s nothing special.”

“Oh, that’s alright, Beni. I was just taking a nap and needed to get up and get things done around here anyway.”

The mailman handed her the package and then headed off to deliver at the next house, wondering why the woman had been single for so long. Was it that she was just picky? Not that there was anything wrong with being selective, but he was amazed that such a gorgeous lady would be alone for so long. Certainly, she had to get plenty of offers, one of which would be his if he wasn’t married.

Even after all these years, he wondered if the rumors he’d heard as a kid were true. The one about her smothering her baby brother when she was around seven or eight.

Nah, she wouldn’t do such a thing, he concluded. She was too with it and he was pretty sure the kids had just been acting like typical kids, and they could be mighty cruel to one another. Besides, if her family had truly suspected or believed she’d smothered the baby, wouldn’t they have sent her away? Wouldn’t there be some signs within her, even now, to suggest such a devil lurked beneath the beautiful surface?

Yeah, he was pretty sure there would be.

February 5, 2010

I am almost finished with my story, so I have that to be excited about. A cyber-friend, along with a couple of my friends back in the states that I still keep in touch with, suggested I submit it to a publisher. I laughed, of course, when they made this absurd suggestion. On the other hand, I sometimes do absurd things, so just maybe I will submit it if only for the fun of it, not that I expect it to be accepted.

Not much else going on. Still trying to get over the shock of losing Beth and Mitch so suddenly, but keeping busy. Maybe too busy. Maybe I should slow down a bit. I sometimes work with Lucia and sometimes I’m at the studio. As I said, I think of slowing down at times, but Ari doesn’t want me alone too often with Clara’s murder still being unsolved and all that, and neither do I. Especially since I still feel like I’m being watched and followed at times. I’m sure I’m just being paranoid, but there was this one time, in particular, that was rather spooky. It happened a couple of days ago. I went out jogging around lunchtime and all the while I circled the block I swear there were eyes on me! I was too creeped out to circle the block more than once. Then a few minutes after locking myself in the house, there’s a knock on the side door! My body froze, but my heart took off thumping like a mother-fucker. Then a minute later I heard Lucia call out to me.

When I opened the door she could tell that I’d been shaken up. I told her what happened and then remembered seeing her SUV – at least I thought I had- keeping its distance behind me as I was running. But it was obviously someone else with a similar vehicle because she said she came straight to the house from the store. Apparently, she was nervous about me being alone as well and wanted to check on me. That was sweet of her. I love Lucia. I really do.

Then why did she leave me feeling even more creeped out? Was it the Princess Melina thing? IDK, but yeah, she called me that. The only other person I can think of that’s ever called me that is Gothic Beauty.

Argh! I’m sure I’m just uptight because of losing Beth and Mitch and the Clara thing. Certainly, someone else has called me Princess Melina in my near 22 years of life. I just can’t remember anyone right now because I can’t think straight. And because I can’t think straight, it seems that everything and everyone is spooky to me.

Despite being a bundle of nerves, my Italian hottie (the one I married) is going to be home from school soon, so I want to go and get dinner started.

Comments: (2)
GothicBeauty: You deserve to be called princess because you are a princess:) And I’m sure many people have called you that.
ChicaDiabla666: Just tuning into your journal and wow! What a life you’ve had so far. Sorry you’ve had such tough times, but you seem to be quite a survivor. That sucks to have murder so close to home. I will pray it never actually touches you!

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