Chapter 14 in Digital Confessions

  • May 2, 2021, 7:21 p.m.
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December 27, 2009

I would have written sooner, but the media has been busy making a celebrity of me lately. I’ll get into that soon enough. First, I met Nara’s son when we were all gathered at Lucia’s on Christmas. Most of us aren’t very religious. We couldn’t be as liberal as we are if we were, but it’s a family tradition nonetheless. We had a lot of fun and Nara’s son Vito is very nice. He doesn’t look like her, though. He’s got sandy brown hair instead of the jet-black hair his sexy mama has. Guess his dad was American and he had light brown hair.

Lucia looked lovely, as always, and Nara looked hotter than hell for some reason. Ari and Lucia look good in either pants or dresses, but Nara looks especially good in pants. Something about the black leather blazer she wore over her violet top, along with her jeans, made her utterly gorgeous. I’m very lucky to have married into such a good-looking family, LOL! I have to wonder about myself at times, too. I mean, how many people out there could possibly be attracted to both their MIL and SIL? At least I still have one thing in my favor and that’s that I still think Rena’s a fat ugly bitch! She still loves to call me La Ragazza Pazza too, which means “the mad girl.” Well, it literally means “girl mad,” since romance languages put the subject first.

For the most part, everyone sat in chairs and on the couch in the living room while the boys and I hit the floor. This is because I was helping them assemble some of their new toys. At one point I sort of crawled over to where Queen Rena sat and slipped an ice cube into the side of her shoe. It was so funny too, watching her frantically scramble to unbuckle the shoe to get it out. Even Lucia, Ari, and Armando thought it was hilarious as hell.

The only thing I don’t like is the colder weather. It’s definitely colder than the winters were in the desert! I hate feeling cold and wearing long sleeves and always having to roll them up to do things like wash dishes. In the daytime, it’s not so bad, but at night a light jacket simply won’t cut it here.

Armando and his bitch of a wife got Ari and I a slow-cooker while the others got us each something of our own. Lucia and Nara got Ari some nice new fashionable outfits for school. Lucia got me a collectible Barbie in a really pretty dress with bright metallic colors, and Nara got me a box of assorted chocolates. The kids and I ate half of it while we were still there. Ari kept the rest of the candy out of sight when we got home so I wouldn’t get carried away and make myself sick, LOL.

This entry’s getting kind of long, so I guess I’ll save the media frenzy for another time.

Comments: (5)
idonotgiveadamn: Glad you had a fun Christmas:)
GothicBeauty: I hope you will love your doll as much as I loved giving it to you.
True2u1993: Happy holidays!
MysticalAngel: I’m sure the ice cube thing was super funny! From the things you’ve written about Rena I’m sure she deserved it too. Looking forward to hearing about whatever’s going on with the media.
purpledelight: Sounds like you had fun and I’m glad you did!

January 2, 2010

Happy New Year and happy new decade to everyone!

“I hope you will love your doll as much as I loved giving it to you” – what in the world is that supposed to mean, Gothic Beauty??? Are you just being funny or are you losing your mind?

I’m at Nara’s now and I swear I’d be all over her if I didn’t have a conscience. It seems it’s whichever one I’m with at the time – Ari, Lucia or Nara – that I’m drooling over, and right now it’s Nara. I don’t think she’d mind my being all over her either if I were single, but I’m not, so I must behave. Maybe I need to stop sleeping in the bed with her because it’s getting harder to resist snuggling up against her and well, anything could happen from there, couldn’t it?

Ok, on with that media thing. I wasn’t going to mention it at first because if anyone looks it up in the news, they could find out my last name. But then I realized it wouldn’t matter if they did. People list their full names in phone books all the time and so I figure that as long as my address and social security number aren’t published, I’ll be ok.

One of my real mother’s boyfriends – one that actually lasted for more than 5 minutes and wasn’t as big of an asshole as most of them were – was a pilot. He flew for one of the major airlines and he even took me on a tour of the cockpit of one of the planes one day. I’ve always loved planes and flying and all that stuff, and he ended up teaching me a lot about planes and how they work and I guess it stuck with me all these years because it helped me save a 16-year-old girl’s life.

She comes from a wealthy family and her father owns his own private jet. It’s a little two-seater. Her 77-year-old grandfather was to fly himself and her to Wales for a week so the girl could visit her aunt and uncle. They’d just about reached cruising altitude when the grandfather had a sudden heart attack and died!

Lucia is good friends with the girl’s mother, and she ran and picked me up once the girl radioed into the tower in a panic about what had happened. So with Ari and I in tow, she drove as quickly as she could without getting pulled over, to where the control tower is. They already knew I would be coming and okayed my arrival without any delays. I kept insisting that I didn’t know enough to be of any help, but Lucia urged me to try, saying that it certainly couldn’t hurt to at least try my best to help the girl. She was right, of course, but I still felt like I had an enormous and overwhelming responsibility thrown at me that I seriously doubted I could handle. All of a sudden this girl’s life was in my hands and it was up to me to try to save it and I didn’t think I could. I know that while others would have told me not to, I would’ve felt tremendously guilty had I not been able to save Daniela (the girl on the plane).

So they rushed me into the control tower where this woman and this guy worked who didn’t know a thing about flying. They were just there to clean equipment that day. I spoke to the girl while Lucia translated whenever it was necessary for her to do so, and was able to instruct her with turning the plane around and landing it safely on the same strip her grandfather took off from. The whole process took about 15 minutes, but it felt like an eternity to me! My heart was pounding with both fear and hope for Daniela. Once she landed safely, I never breathed a sigh of relief as big as the one I breathed that Saturday afternoon!!! If I was as shaken up by the ordeal as I was, then I can just imagine how it must have been for poor Daniela since she was the one who was actually on the plane!

I had been worried I wouldn’t be able to help because the controls have Italian writing all over them which I worried wouldn’t be the same. It’s like how U.S. English can differ from UK English. Well, I just wasn’t sure if they gave them the same names to certain things and called them what we call them in the U.S.!

Once she was safe all I wanted to do was get home and relax after so much heart-pounding stress. Instead, everyone was cheering me on, hugging me, and not in hurry to see me leave.

Daniela’s parents had been notified and were on their way back to Italy from France. I’m just glad it wasn’t Ari and Lucia’s weekend to be shopping up north, or else Lucia wouldn’t have been able to come and get me! Once the parents got wind of the situation was when they called Lucia, remembering that she had told them about my non-creative side as well as my creative side and that I had some knowledge of planes. So as they hopped a plane from Paris, Lucia ran over and fetched me. She called from her cell along the way, so Ari and I could be waiting outside for her and ready to jump in as soon as she pulled up.

This happened the day after Christmas. The next day, which was Sunday, Ari insisted we go to Lucia’s place. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t refuse. I love Lucia and visiting with her, but I just wanted to hide from the media who had me plastered all over the news and was bugging me for phone and TV interviews, calling me a heroine, etc. So many people asked if I felt like a heroine, but no, I didn’t. I just felt like someone who tried to help a girl land a plane, and by some miracle, succeeded in doing just that!

Ari insisted it would do me good to get out. So we dodged the few reporters that were outside our place and headed to Lucia’s place. As soon as I walked in, clusters of people were clapping and cheering for me. Lucia not only had friends and family over, but Daniela and her parents were there, too! Never had I been hugged and kissed before so much by people who were virtually strangers, LOL!

Comments: (1)
GothicBeauty: Sorry to confuse you, Princess Melina. It was just a typo. I was functioning on very little sleep at the time I left that last comment.

January 5, 2010

I got to thinking about how some have suggested I must not want a child bad enough because I keep putting the artificial insemination thing off and making various excuses. Well, maybe they’re right. I mean, sure, I do like children and all that, but I also like life as well. I’ve been having the time of my life and I love having the freedom to do all the fun things I’ve been doing lately. I just don’t want to stop living and experiencing all I can possibly experience. I know that with a child I could still do some of the things I do, but where would I get the time to write books or to sing in the studio like I do? And what about my time with Ari? Our time together is limited enough. With a child around we couldn’t spontaneously decide to jump in bed for a fun romp in the hay after dinner or just talk about whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. I’ve also read enough statistics to know that couples with children have a much higher breakup rate than those without children.

The problem is Ari. I may be young, but Ari’s over 30 now and has been wanting a kid for years. It would totally break her heart if I came out and told her I changed my mind. Probably piss her off too, and I wouldn’t blame her. But it’s not just about giving up life and having less time to spend with Ari that concerns me, it’s about whether or not I really want such a huge responsibility. Even if we can afford it, do I really want to deal with the hours and hours of screaming, lost sleep and hard work? Do I want to be up to my neck in smelly diapers? Do I want to ruin my figure and go through all that pain? These are the things I’ve been asking myself lately and I’m not so sure I can be totally confident of my answers. The more things I get into, the less the idea appeals to me. It may be a bit selfish of me, but I really like to come and go as I please and to be able to do the things I do without additional worries and interruptions.

But what about Ari? How the hell do I let her down without letting her down? Or is there simply no way around it? Could it be that the only way to avoid letting her down would be to simply jump into this motherhood thing I’m no longer sure I want bad enough to give up my life for, or at least most of it? Do I even love Ari enough to let her have her way even if it means putting my own self out to a degree? Or would it be best to think of myself only in this case, and if I did, would it be wrong and selfish of me to do so?

Comments: (3)
MysticalAngel: Kids aren’t something to “compromise” on. If you have any doubts, don’t have kids.
GothicBeauty: I think you should still have the child. You did agree to have one with Ariella, after all, and yes, you could tell her you’d like to back out of your deal and let her down, but I think you both would be very happy in the end with a child. It’s natural to have these fears and doubts upon starting a family.
Batgirl88: Geez, I don’t know who I agree with more, Mystical or Gothic. They both seem to have a point. Hope it all works out for you somehow!

Nara nibbled on some of the carrot cake her mother had made as she sat at her kitchen table. “So when are you going to do the redecorating you said you’ve been thinking of doing, mom?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Lucia. “One of these days soon enough I’ll get started on it. Maybe Melina can help with that.”

“That ought to be fun for her. Speaking of which, it looks like I’m right, unfortunately. Have you gotten to the part where she expresses doubts about having kids? I tell you, ma, undecided or unsure or in a few years really means no. I don’t know one single person who said they weren’t sure it was what they wanted that actually ended up having kids. I only know of those who thought they might like the idea of a family, then decided against it, or those who were always against the idea.”

“Yeah, I know what you’re saying,” Lucia said. “Hopefully they’ll be able to figure it out.”

“How?” Nara asked. “How do you figure something like that out? Only one of them can have their way in this case.”

“That’s true,” Lucia said with a sigh. “But there’s nothing we can do about it, hun. It has to be worked out by them and them only.”

“Oh, I know it does. I just think it’s unfortunate that Melina’s not so sure of something that Ari’s had her heart so set on practically before she was even a teenager. I think they both would make fine parents.”

“I agree. But Melina’s suddenly been exposed to all kinds of new things she’s never been exposed to before and probably never thought she ever would be. All these new doors and new opportunities are now wide open to her. I think she just needs to have a little fun for a while and really live life. You heard her just the other day all excited about having accumulated half a dozen bottles of nail polish. Even something like that is quite an accomplishment for her.”

“Yeah, I suppose it is and that I would be excited to be doing all she’s doing after growing up with a mother like hers and then being shut away in the middle of nowhere.” She took another bite of carrot cake and swallowed. “Mom?”

“Yes?” Lucia said as she studied her daughter who now had a concerned look on her face.

“Ever wonder who some of these people really are?”

“What people?”

“Her followers. The ones responding to her blog or journal or diary or whatever you want to call it.”

Lucia thought about it a moment, then said, “Yeah, I suppose sometimes I do.”

“I still don’t like this Gothic Beauty that’s been following her regularly,” said Nara. “There’s just something about her that’s off, you know? Just not right.”

“She is a bit strange,” agreed Lucia, “but it’s been nearly a year now and this person hasn’t harmed her, so I doubt it’s anyone that knows her or that’s close by. I think she just likes to play with Melina by suggesting that and dropping hints about it every now and then just to ruffle her feathers.”

I hope that’s all it’s about, Nara thought to herself.

“Gothic Beauty” sat staring at her black TV screen long after the movie had ended and she had clicked the ‘off’ button on the remote. She sat there doing what she usually did these days. She thought of Melina. She thought of how much she cherished any opportunity she got to see her which didn’t seem like much lately.

Then she thought of Ariella and she realized just how envious she had come to be of her. Of Ariella! Yes, of all people, she envied Ari like she’d never envied anyone else before in her life.

She wondered how things might have turned out differently had she been the one to meet Melina first. Would things really have been any different? So many things just might have happened, could have happened, but would they have happened?

She continued to sit there, slowly rocking back and forth in her favorite plush combination rocker and recliner, and gazed around the room. She pictured Melina sprawled out on the couch next to where she sat. She pictured her across the room on the loveseat. She pictured her sitting nestled up against her in her comfortable chair, perhaps sipping hot chocolate with her and chatting happily about the lives in which they shared together.

Ah, that was one pleasing scene.

She rose from her chair and headed upstairs for bed. Her mind could be as dirty as it could be wholesome. Now her thoughts turned from innocent cuddlings to sexually explicit as she pictured all kinds of intimate scenarios with the girl. Her on top, her on the bottom, sixty-nine, naughty lingerie, completely naked, hair up, hair down… the fantasies went on and on as an endless parade of X-rated images crossed the vivid screen of her mind.


She was in the way. In the way of something she wanted. And wanted real bad. Each passing day her desire to capture the girl, mind, body and soul, grew deeper.


It was time to make a move. But could she actually bring herself to do it? Wanting something was one thing. Actually going about achieving it was another. Did she want Melina bad enough to do what she was now starting to consider doing?

She had never considered it before and no doubt would have laughed if anyone had ever suggested she would even dare think of such a thing, but as much as she hated to admit it, even tried not to think of it, ideas were beginning to form on the outer edges of her conscious.

And she wondered just how long it would be before they forced their way into the cold, hard center of her mind.

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