Chapter 8 in Digital Confessions

  • April 29, 2021, 5:58 p.m.
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August 18, 2009

Much sadness continues to hover about since Clara’s death. I haven’t been able to concentrate on much. Not even my story. I’ve been trying to find out more details on how Clara died, but haven’t learned much. I don’t want to seem strange by asking so many questions anyway. Why should I be so interested in the first place, right? Hey, I only had a crush on her, even though I’m perfectly married!

I just thank God I haven’t had any seizures since coming here. Yeah, that’s another thing I haven’t written about yet.

When I was 12 I had a teacher that absolutely hated me. I wasn’t just that girl with that mother who killed all those people before killing herself, I was a mutt as well. Half white, a quarter Mexican and a quarter Apache. Somewhat of an oddball at this particular school I attended despite the diversity in general around it. The other kids didn’t seem to mind, though most were either all Hispanic or all Native American. Not many whites at this school, for some reason. This is my best guess as to why Miss Hayden hated me; because I was different. I was unique and I liked to do things in my own way, yet this didn’t mean I was rebellious. I was a good kid for the most part. At least I tried to be. Either way, if she hated me for reasons other than who my real mother was and my being biracial, I don’t know what it could’ve been. Don’t care either.

August 19, 2009

Continuing on from my last entry where I mention this evil teacher I had when I was 12 who hated me for being biracial and the spawn of an evildoer known as the late but infamous Belinda Beckley

I may not have been a bad kid overall, but I was still a kid just the same. And therefore I wasn’t exempt from doing mean things at times which meant picking on other kids. For some reason, there was this girl I tormented to no end for a while during the end of the school year. I don’t know why I felt so compelled to pick on this particular girl. She never did anything wrong to me that I remember. Yet I teased her every chance I got. I hid her lunch, I called her names, I chased her in the yard – you name it, I did it.

School was just letting out when the teacher called me back inside in a voice that would scare just about anyone, especially a kid. All the other kids had gone ahead of me. I turned back to see Tess, the girl I picked on, sitting at a desk crying, so I knew the reason I was being called back was because of her.

Only I suddenly became terrified at the idea of facing Miss Hayden. Just totally terrified! My heart started pounding and my legs felt like jelly. Instinct said to turn and run and I did. Well, I started to, though I didn’t get very far.

I’m at the store now and Lucia is hovering a little too close. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when she’s close to me. I just don’t want her to see this. Remember, Nara and my MIL both read, write and speak English perfectly well. I’ll finish either later on tonight at home or maybe tomorrow.

Melina sat out on the back steps and watched the sun set while Ari finished mowing the lawn. She thought back to a particular day which she spent at Lucia’s store.

“Kinda slow today, ain’t it?” Lucia said with a smile, glancing her way as she poured herself some coffee. “Would you like some, ma’am?”

“Sure would, and yes, it is rather dead today. Why do you think that is?”

“Don’t know. Since you’ve come around business has picked up, so I’m rather surprised.”

“Why would business have picked up since I started coming here?” Melina asked as she took the cup of coffee from her mother-in-law.

“I think they agree that my hired help makes for an attractive selling point.”

Melina almost blushed. Instead, she simply shifted her gaze and gave a quick giggle.

“So, whatcha doin’ on the computer?”

“Just playing solitaire.” She glanced back at Lucia’s near-black orbs, mesmerized by the older woman’s beauty. She hoped she looked half as good when she herself was in her fifties.

“Solitaire, huh? I haven’t played that game in years.”

“Wanna play?” Melina said, pushing her laptop towards Lucia.

“Nah. I was actually thinking of going outside. Want to sit out on the bench and get some fresh air?”


Melina shut her laptop down and followed Lucia out in front of the store. They sat and made small talk for about a half-hour, with an occasional passerby stopping to say a quick hello.

Melina’s upper arm was barely an inch from Lucia’s. She found their closeness electrifying. She could feel the heat of Lucia and it had a way of making her feel self-conscious at the same time it was pleasant. She contemplated scooting over a few inches but didn’t want Lucia to think it was because she was uncomfortable in any way. She wasn’t. She was just self-conscious much in the way she had been when she’d first met Ari.

There was also something different about Lucia lately. Nothing had changed in her life in any significant way that she was aware of, yet the woman seemed different for some reason. Could it be that she was happier? Could it be that she was lonely after living alone for so long and that she simply found Melina’s company uplifting?

Melina still got the distinct feeling that Lucia knew of the crush she had on her. She just wasn’t sure why it didn’t bother her. Then again, why should it? She was harmless, after all.

Yet there was still something new going on with Lucia and her curiosity was plenty piqued. If she didn’t know any better, she’d swear the fondness and attraction were mutual. Unless she was just falsely flattering herself, and she had to be, right?

Not possible, she told herself. Just because Lucia frequently told her how cute she was, and just because she seemed to stare at her with that certain look in her eyes, didn’t mean she liked her in the same way for God’s sake. After all, Lucia was supposed to be straight. Straight enough to have had two husbands and three kids, none of which came through artificial insemination or adoption.

“So tell me about yourself, Meli,” Lucia suddenly said a few minutes later.

Tell her about myself? Just what does she want to know?

“Uh… I’m not sure what you mean.”

“English is still your first language, isn’t it?” Lucia teased.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure what you want to know about me. I’m not a very exciting person.”

“That’s hard to believe. Tell me a little more about your life back in the states.”

Melina gazed across the street. “There isn’t much more I can tell you than what I’ve already told you. I miss my folks and the dry heat. I miss my friends too, of course. But I’m much happier here. What was your life like way back when?” she said, shifting the spotlight from herself onto Lucia.

“It had its ups and downs like any other life.”

“Tell me one up and one down.”

Lucia grinned just as an older couple approached the storefront. Lucia glanced at Melina. “Time for business again,” she said with a wink that Melina thought was almost sexy.

Melina got up and entered the store ahead of Lucia. She turned around just as Lucia herself turned to face the prospective buyers.

Had that been a smirk of amusement she’d seen on her mother-in-law’s face?

August 23, 2009

Had an interesting last couple of days working with Lucia, and a very fun and intimate weekend with my Ari. The mystery of Clara’s murder still shrouded the fun and left unanswered questions hanging overhead, but I enjoyed myself just the same.

I just wish I could figure out Lucia! I don’t know, but something’s up with that woman. I still get the distinct feeling that she not only knows I like her but is amused by it somehow.

Comments: (1)
GothicBeauty: I know I’m not your favorite fan and that it may be a painful thing for you to recall, but please continue on with that teacher you said hated you. I’m curious to know what happened.

August 25, 2009

Had another nightmare again. Been having more and more of them lately, and Ari’s really curious as to what they’re all about. But I can’t tell her (in Italian, of course), “Relax, honey. It’s just a nightmare from when my mother shot up a shitload of people in a mall one day, fed up with her going-nowhere life.”

On with the other nightmare in which I was asked to continue with - Miss Hayden. Mean, strict, ugly Miss Hayden.

So I was 12 and had been picking on this kid named Tess for ages. The teacher, who always hated me for a couple of possible reasons, called me back into the classroom one day after school. Tess was in the classroom crying and I was terrified of Miss Hayden, so I took off running trying to catch up with the other kids, even though they were way ahead of me by then.

Miss Hayden stood there screaming at me to “come here this minute!” Her hands were on her hips and she looked and sounded meaner than mean. She was the last person I wanted to approach. Instead, I was running, never expecting her to give chase. But she not only came running after me, she attempted to stop me by hurling bricks at me from a small pile of bricks that were leftover from a recent project. They’d been building a new addition for a cafeteria. It was a very small school with not much money, so it was quite a step up for the place.

Miss Hayden succeeded in stopping me when the second brick she flung my way hit me in the back of the head, almost toward the crown. Instantly I had a nasty bump and a wave of dizziness, then the teacher half dragged me back to the classroom where she lectured me about teasing poor Tess. I apologized to Tess as was expected of me, but I’ll admit I did it more to please the teacher so she would let me go than because I was sorry for picking on Tess. I didn’t care about Tess, though you can bet I stopped teasing her from that day forward.

Finally, I was let go with threats of punishment for any more harassment of Tess as well as for mentioning to anyone that we even had the discussion we had. In other words, I would be sorry if I told anyone that she threw a brick at my head. And I believed it, too.

Somehow I managed to get home despite the pain in my head, and by dinnertime, it had worn off completely. I was glad since I knew I couldn’t ask Beth for a pain reliever because she would want to know what it was for, so I suffered the pain till it subsided.

The next day was Saturday. It started as it usually did where I would get up and watch cartoons on TV. About an hour after lunch, when I was helping Beth hang laundry out to dry, I passed out. When I came to I was in the hospital. Doctors and law enforcement officials were quick to question me as soon as I was coherent enough.

I learned that I’d had cerebral hemorrhaging (bleeding within the brain) caused by trauma to the head.

And the cops wanted answers. Had I fallen? Had someone hit me with a ball at school, perhaps accidentally? Had someone hit me with something else, perhaps intentionally?

At first, I was terrified to point a finger at Miss Hayden. But not wanting to cast any suspicion on Beth and Mitch, I finally got up the nerve to tell them what happened.

Comments: (3)
PearlyGates: I hope the teacher got the punishment she deserved.
GothicBeauty: Sorry to hear this happened to you! I would have made her pay dearly for hurting you. Just what did happen to her anyway?
Kimberly91: Jeesh, what a lousy thing to do to your student, troublemaker or not! This bitch needs her teaching license yanked!

August 28, 2009

The teacher, Miss Hayden, didn’t lose her teaching license for slamming me in the head with a brick, I’m afraid. In fact, not much happened to her at all, and between that and all the other shit I’d gone through in life at just 12 years of age, I came to suspect something up there didn’t like me very much. Bad things were happening to me and it seemed that my perps were getting away with it too, almost as if guided by some unseen force that was protecting them. I eventually had to take care of Miss Hayden myself and pick up where the law left off. It sucked having to do the court’s job for them, but sometimes vigilantism is what it takes, and yes, two wrongs really do make a right at times. I just don’t know that I should discuss it here, even though there’s nothing anyone can do to me for it a decade later and half a world away. Maybe some other time.

Anyway, I was both saddened and angry that no one would punish her. Mitch wanted to wring her neck. Supposedly Hayden was “reprimanded,” but all that really meant was that she had to agree to receive counseling and promise never to slam her students in the head with a brick ever again in the future. And of course, I was never in any of her classes after the incident. But that was it. No jail time, no probation, no fines, not even an apology for what damn near killed me, according to the doctors.

So here was this woman who should have been charged with attempted murder or at least some form of attempted manslaughter, that got little more than a few therapy sessions she probably enjoyed. The bitch loved to talk and she would have seen the therapy sessions as a hired ear to listen to her complain about life. Just a little social gathering, is all it would have been to her.

Comments: (1)
GothicBeauty: You got me real curious as to how you took care of this sicko. You said it yourself - no one can do anything to you for it. To the best of my knowledge, the only thing that has no statute of limitation is murder. Did you kill her, Melina? And would you have done anything with Clara had she lived?

August 30, 2009

No, Goth, I would never cheat on Ari, and I didn’t kill Miss Hayden either, but I sure fantasized about it at times. Especially with all the headaches that would follow the incident. Instead, I found out where she lived and smashed her windows with rocks, then took off as fast as I could on my bike after taking out 3 windows in front of the house. I remember being surprised that no neighbors came running out to see what was up, but I was too mad to care. I was even more surprised to have gotten away with it. I never told anyone about it except for a couple of close friends later on.

Mitch questioned me about it at one point, saying he “heard” that that nasty teacher’s windows had been busted, and did I know anything about it? I was never a very good liar, so I think he knew I was behind it somehow, even though I denied it. Don’t discuss it with anyone, he told me. Not anyone.

In other words, don’t incriminate myself.

“My God, that’s horrible!” Nara exclaimed as she sat in her mother’s kitchen. “Just horrible. And a teacher of all people. Doesn’t exactly make us look good when a teacher goes and does something like assaulting one of her students.”

Lucia finished arranging the freshly baked sugar cookies on the brightly colored platter and placed it on the table between her and her daughter. “It’s a pretty unfortunate thing. Not as bad as what her mother did, but bad enough.”

“For sure. I mean, if you can’t trust your own mother and then your teacher, who can you trust? No wonder she’s had nightmares and behavioral problems.”

“Yeah, it sure does explain some of the dreams and aggressiveness, although I’d say she’s turned out pretty well overall despite her past problems.”

“Oh, I agree. But she’s a potential time bomb if she doesn’t continue to get the love and proper guidance in life which she needs and deserves. I would think even you could see that since you’ve worked with troubled kids before.”

“Yes, I can see it, but I think she’ll be ok. She’s probably always going to have bad memories and occasional nightmares, but I don’t see why she can’t lead a fine and productive life.”

“And if anyone deserves to, it’s her,” added Nara, who took on a thoughtful expression.

A moment or two later Lucia asked what was on her mind.

“I don’t know, I guess a part of me still wonders if we should mention the journal to Ari.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Lucia said doubtfully. “Ariella might not appreciate knowing that this is going online for the whole world to see like I said before.”

“Maybe not, but it would certainly provide more understanding of why Melina sometimes gets so angry and does some of the childish things she does as smart as she is. And who knows, maybe Ari will keep it to herself and not tell Melina that we know about it.”

“Or maybe she does tell her and Melina sets her journal to private so we can’t learn any more about her.”

Nara blinked in surprise. This wasn’t like her mother. “Oh, come on, mom. Is peeking in on her journal and learning more about her more important than enlightening Ari? Ari’s her husband. We’re just her in-laws. Ari should know about some of this stuff.”

“You have a point there. It would be nice if Ari knew as much about her as we do. I just hate to invade Melina’s privacy any more than we already have.”

“But have we really? The journal is public, after all, ma.”

“Yes, I know. But she still may feel invaded.”

“Maybe we can ask that Ari keep it to herself,” Nara suggested.

“Perhaps we can,” Lucia said, though to herself she remembered an old saying.

Three people could keep a secret if two were dead.

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