Chapter 7 in Digital Confessions

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August 3, 2009

That secret I said I’d reveal about me the other day but just wasn’t in the mood to - well, I was an exotic dancer for a while. I’m primarily a singer and a musician, though I’ve also done some acting and dancing. Even some dancing that didn’t require me to take off my clothes, LOL.

I did it for a few months about a year ago after a friend of mine got hired as a dancer herself. Because I don’t drive, she had to pick me up. The money was worth the long drive, but not all the smoke, sore feet and drunks. So neither of us stuck with it for long, though it kinda beats flipping burgers.

I’m still learning more about my new family. I know some of you are going to laugh at this, but I didn’t know Ari and Nara were related at first! They’re only half-sisters, but I thought they were just co-workers at first. I had no idea they were actually related.

And I couldn’t figure out why Ari, Nara and Lucia all had different last names either until Lucia explained it to me. Ari has the last name of her father, who Lucia divorced 15 years ago when Ari was just 16. There was no violence or anything; they just never agreed on much from what I was told. Nara has the name of her ex-husband. I guess she kept the name because of her son. Lucia has the name of her second husband whom she married a few years after her divorce and who died a few years ago of a sudden heart attack. Congenital heart failure, I guess it was. Not surprisingly, he was a good guy since it seems that only the good die young.

Not much else to say at the moment. Just that I went out jogging and stopped to chat with Clara along the way. Could’ve sworn I saw Lucia’s SUV at one point, but I’m sure she would have mentioned being in the area if she had been, and she’d have seen me too, I would think.

Clara’s such a sweetie. I really like talking with her.

Comments: (1)
GothicBeauty: Does Clara live alone, or does she at least have pets to keep her company when you’re not around to stop by and chat?

August 4, 2009

Clara lives alone but has birds and fish for company.

My life is running as usual. I work for Lucia and come home to work online while Ari watches TV. And then I entertain myself in Never Never Land, imagining various scenarios with my too-many crushes when I’m not working on my story.

August 6, 2009

Just swapped emails with Annabelle, my buddy back in the states. She’s the one whose uncle is president at the college Ari and Nara work at which is how we all met.

She met this guy who seemed really nice at first. Only he neglected to tell her that not only is he sexually dysfunctional, he’s a real shit as well. The “casual” drinker that he told her he was is really a borderline alcoholic, seeing that it drinks just about every day. And it doesn’t just get a buzz on like it claimed, it goes a little further than that.

As I told her, though, cheer up. There are other fish in the sea. But what she didn’t want to hear – as true as it is – is that no man’s going to meet a woman and tell her of his shortcomings up front and say, “Well, the truth is that I need some improvement, that’s for sure. I can’t get it up in bed, I drink more than I say I do, and well, I’m just an all-around jerk.” Men are emotionally weak and totally without the guts to come clean up front. They let women find out the hard way where they’re lacking in life. I hate to sound sexist, but I guess that maybe I am. It has nothing to do with why I’m gay, though. I’m gay because I’m attracted to women.

August 12, 2009

I’m totally shocked and bummed out right now. Clara’s dead! Yes, Clara’s dead. Actually dead, even though just a few days ago when I saw her she appeared to be as healthy as ever. I just couldn’t believe it. Still can’t either.

I was jogging by when she was being wheeled out on a stretcher. Only trouble was a sheet was covering her body. That struck me as all wrong right there. I tried to find out what was wrong, but people kept pushing me away. This was a couple of days ago on Monday.

When Lucia comes to pick me up, she usually just pulls up in front without getting out, and I run around and hop it next to her. In Italy, they drive on the same side as they do in the U.S., just so you know. Anyway, she could see as I passed by the front of her SUV that something had me rattled real bad. She asked what was wrong and I told her. She wanted to know how I knew Clara and I told her we got to know each other after I jogged by the house several times and would stop to talk. She also asked if I knew what killed her, but no, I didn’t know what could possibly kill a seemingly healthy 24-year-old woman. Not at the time I didn’t anyway.

Ari and I went back again the next day, Tuesday. No one was at the house. No relatives, no friends, no one. But then when we went back today, Clara’s mother was at the house. Her eyes were all bloodshot and you could tell she’d been crying. I explained who I was and how I met Clara and how her death really took me by surprise. If the fact that she died is shocking enough, how she died is even more shocking. She was murdered! The whole neighborhood is in shock and totally petrified. Never has anything like this happened around here. Your worst crime here is an occasional traffic violation and maybe a fight, but not murder! Not even rape or burglary, so to jump from speeders and brawls to cold-blooded murder is a huge jump!

The police have no idea who the killer is. No one seems to know any details either. I guess the cops like to withhold some information to help weed out any crackpots who may confess to the crime. So many questions run through my mind – was it someone she knew? How was she killed? Why was she killed?

Comments: (5)
MysticalAngel: OMG, I am so sorry to hear this! I hope you’re ok.
GothicBeauty: Wow, sounds like you’ve got some unfortunate action going on around you, but never fear my dear, for I am close by and always looking out for you.
29canby66: sorry for your loss Melina.
espressioni: Dio buono, a murder in my town – I’d be petrified! That’s supposed to be a city thing. Feel free to message me if you need to talk, honey.
spaz1979: Hope they catch the bastard!

August 13, 2009

Seeing that there’s a killer on the loose in this tiny but otherwise tranquil town, Ari doesn’t want me alone. So now I’m at the store with Lucia all day. Ari drops me off in the morning on the way to school and picks me up afterward. Even though I promised not to open the door to anyone I didn’t know, she doesn’t feel comfortable leaving me alone anymore, even if it was only for 5½ hours. So, while I hate getting up so damn early, the good news is that I get to spend more time with Lucia and Lucia lets me bring my laptop to work for the slower moments. She says she doesn’t need me to help her full-time anyway, and that I can always nap in the back room on the little couch she’s got in there since I’m not used to getting up so early.

So that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing. While Ari showers in the morning, I shower before bed so I can sleep till the last minute. I get up, scarf down a quick breakfast which Ari fixes (I fix dinner), then I drag my sleepy ass to Lucia’s and hit her couch for a few hours. It makes me feel selfish and lazy, but she insists it’s ok. Still, I feel like I should be helping more often than I do.

Lucia has really helped to cheer me up. I almost slipped and referred to her store merchandise as old shit. I caught myself at, “old shhh…” Then she said, “That’s ok, everybody’s entitled to their opinion. You don’t have to like it, and you’re perfectly welcomed to call it old shit.”

This is when she had me cracking up with laughter and I said, “Ok, it’s old shit.”

“Just don’t tell the customers that,” she added, and I laughed even harder.

She later asked if I’d heard anything about Clara. Nope, not a thing, I told her. And I wonder if that’s a good thing or not. I mean, maybe I’d be sorry if someone ever told me just what happened, depending on just how brutal it was. I hope she didn’t suffer! Either way, I may never know.

Comments: (3)
MysticalAngel: I hope she didn’t suffer either. Just be glad your family is looking out for you in case that psycho is still in the neighborhood. Reading your book, btw, and it is sensational so far! Keep up the good work. I see serious potential for a future published author.
espressioni: They’ll get ‘em. Just hang in there, kiddo. Murder’s a very hard thing to get away with.
franti009: Ciao Melina. Spero che cattura assassino della tua amica.

August 15, 2009

Again, thanks for all the nice comments. I don’t see myself ever becoming a published author although writing is one of my passions. Hope you folks are right in saying Clara’s killer will be caught!

I’m at Nara’s now as I write this. Although I didn’t know Clara very well or for very long, the whole thing’s got me down. Just not knowing if it was a freak incident or something that’s going to become a regular thing around here is very stressful for me. And they’re still not sure if it was a random thing or someone she knew that killed her, but it’s looking like a random attack. Maybe the attacker staked out and chose a house where they knew just one person lived. The only thing I heard was that robbery didn’t seem to be a motive. So I guess that means that whoever went to her house – and I don’t know if there was any forced entry or not – went there just to kill her. I have wondered if she was raped before she was killed or if they just killed her right away. For her sake, I just hope that whatever happened didn’t last long.

Anyway, I like spending more time with Lucia, but I don’t like getting up earlier, even if it means I can go back to sleep for a few more hours in the back of the store, nor do I like working on my computer there. It’s better than just sitting there or doing word search puzzles, but Lucia’s always hovering over my shoulder and I get paranoid that she’s reading what I write. She’s always asking about it, that’s for sure, and so I just say I’m writing letters, and make the font as small as I can to make it harder for her to read anything. I know it’s not like she’s deliberately trying to see what I’m writing. I guess I’m just paranoid is all. Besides, I’m not doing anything wrong, whether she sees it or not. I just want to keep my journal private from those I know for now. In some ways it’s easier to share my thoughts with strangers because I don’t have to live with them and whatever consequences their judgments may bring. Ari wouldn’t “judge” me either. It’s just a lot easier to tell a stranger that she’s great in bed but not intimate enough than it would be to tell her directly. I don’t know why, though, as I usually try to be direct and honest with people. Especially those I’m close to. But the more I care about them, the less I want to risk hurting their feelings.

There’s no internet connection at the store, so I type my thoughts in Word to upload into my journal later on. This is ok. I always start with Word anyway so I can edit things easier.

I posted more of the book I’m writing for those of you who are following it. The feedback I’ve gotten on it so far has been pretty positive. No one ever taught me how to write a book and so I’m just doing the best I can on my own. My education only consists of the basic mandatory subjects, though I did have some voice lessons and even some guitar lessons too, during a rare occasion when we had extra money. But once it was gone, I had to figure the rest out for myself. I’m glad an expert got to give me a head start! It made things easier in the end and it also taught me that in some ways that I’m the best teacher for myself. As my own teacher, I can learn at my own pace and in ways that I can best understand.

This is getting to be a pretty long entry, so I guess I’ll go see what Nara’s up to.

Comments: (1)
GothicBeauty: No comment about my last comment?

August 16, 2009

I used to do most of my writing at home while Ari was at school. Sometimes I did a little in the evenings, but mostly it was done when I’d be home alone. Now that I’m out all day long with Lucia, it has to be done at night, and all this typing has got her wondering what the hell I’m up to.

I tell her I’m entering more and more sweepstakes, and it’s true. After all, I just won what equates to 100 U.S. dollars! It would be so exciting if Clara’s murder wasn’t hanging over my head while I was at it. Wondering who the hell did it and knowing they haven’t been caught really puts a damper on what would otherwise be an exciting moment.

Oh, before I forget, I went back and checked your last comment, Gothic Beauty. What do you want me to say? That you’re some kind of fucktard with nothing better to do? You’re hard to read at times. I don’t know if you’re just trying to be funny or you’ve got a screw loose. Whatever it is, I’m not sure I like you very much.

The user known as Gothic Beauty sat back in her chair thoughtfully. She took off her glasses a moment later and placed them by her monitor. Then she rubbed her tired eyes and stood staring into space. The blurriness around her was almost hypnotizing.

“Better watch it,” she told herself. “You don’t want the girl to go and block you, do you?”

What was it about Melina that kept her so glued to her journal anyway? More importantly, what was it about the girl that had made her actually go out and kill someone? Melina had become an addiction. Her journal, her story, the girl herself, was all so captivating. It was definitely something she hadn’t expected, yet she had been mesmerized by the girl from the moment they’d met.

Her gaze shifted to the girl’s image on the monitor before her. Even with her vision blurred her lovely features were evident.

I can’t believe I killed for you, she thought to herself, shaking her head. She had no regrets. It wasn’t the fact that she had killed the woman she had a problem with. It was the risk of getting caught. She played that day over and over again in her mind, always worried that she might have missed something when covering her tracks.

Her mind reeled back yet again to that night. She had parked her vehicle a little over a block away and stolen into the night on foot. She was glad the woman worked second shift like Melina had said in her journal, though third shift would have been better. Less chance of being spotted at 5:00 in the morning than at 11:00 at night. But 11:00 at night was certainly better than the middle of the afternoon. So, dressed in dark clothing, she walked the block and a half to the house. She gave herself ample time in case she had trouble getting inside the house.

Relieved to find that the woman hadn’t returned home early, she slipped into the backyard which was fenced off, giving her more privacy. She bound her hair, then donned a hairnet and rubber gloves. Then she cut a large enough opening to crawl through the sliding glass door with a glasscutter she’d carried in a bag. It was a lot quieter than smashing through the door with a rock or something.

Not wanting to turn on any lights and warn the woman up front that someone was inside her house, she stood waiting in the darkness by the front door, hopeful that the woman would not bring home any company.

And she didn’t.

The woman pushed through the front door alone, and after Lucia waited until she had shut it tightly behind her so that her screams would be muffled from the street, she stunned her with a Taser. When the woman was immobilized on the floor she did what she never imagined actually doing to another human being.

She strangled her.

She hadn’t wanted to use any weapons because that would be leaving more evidence or at least some clues. Bullets could be traced and sometimes knives could be as well. bloodshed meant possibly leaving footprints behind. She didn’t want to leave the authorities the slightest of clues if she could help it. Not to her gender, not to her height, not to her shoe size – niente.

The unthinkable deed seemed to take forever. She felt the woman struggle to breathe beneath her hands for what seemed like an eternity, and the muscles in her hands, wrists and forearms were burning like crazy. But motivation pushed her on to carry through with her plan despite the pain. She was just as relieved as the woman undoubtedly was when it was finally over.

She considered ransacking the place to make it look like she’d been looking for something, or maybe taking some jewelry to make it look like a robbery, but didn’t want to take any more time inside the house or keep any more physical evidence than was necessary, and so she left. Heart pounding all the way back to her vehicle, she hoped no one had seen her coming or going.

She drove home, still wearing the net and gloves. Once she was home she peeled off the gloves and net and threw them in the trash. She would have preferred to burn them, but she didn’t want to be starting any fires in the month of August of all months. So she turned the gloves inside out before placing them inside her trash bag in the kitchen. Her prints were likely to be on the insides of the gloves and this way they would be damaged faster by coming in contact with other things.

Feeling somewhat relieved to know that the trash was due to be picked up the following morning, she hauled the waste out to the roadside.

Once inside the house for good, she slumped against the wall and breathed in slowly and deeply.

Relax, she told herself. Just remember that this is now one less person Melina has to steal some of her attention away from you, and one less person you have to be jealous of. Now just carry on as if nothing happened!

A few minutes later she felt better. And then a slow and deliberate smile of pleasure and accomplishment crossed her face and she began to sing softly in Italian.
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