Chapter 4 in Digital Confessions

  • April 27, 2021, 6:05 p.m.
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Melina shuttered with pleasure as she came and moaned with delight. Ari licked her lips, savoring the sweet taste of her feminine counterpart, then moved to lay beside her.

“Fun?” Ari asked in Italian.

“I always have fun with you,” Melina replied, also in Italian.

“Va bene,” Ari smiled.

They talked for a few more minutes and then Ari went into the living room to watch some TV, and Melina went into the kitchen to fire up her laptop.

June 25, 2009

When I’m with Ari, whether it’s in an intimate way or just hanging out together or running errands, I am with her and her only. But when we’re not together, my mind is sometimes with that other person I have a crush on. I don’t know what it is about her! It’s not like I actually picture us getting it on, but just hanging out, cuddling up together, that sort of thing. I guess you could say my crush is more physical and emotional than sexual, but it could be sexual, too. I’ve never had a crush on anyone her age before. This is all so new to me.

Comments: (1)
purpledelight: Would you tell her you had a crush on her if you were single? Who is it, anyway?

June 29, 2009

Purple delight, I don’t know if I would tell her I have a crush on her if I were single. She’s a very open-minded individual but may not like the age difference thing. Or she just may not like me. Not in that way anyway. Either way, I still don’t want to say who she is. Maybe some other time.

Right now I want to write about my real mother. Ari doesn’t even know about her. She just assumes Beth and Mitch are my parents. While they’ve been very much like parents to me because they’ve raised me since I was 8 years old, they’re actually my aunt and uncle. But I’ve almost always referred to them as mom and dad around others.

I never knew my real father. It’s a very hard, very sad thing to write about. Even embarrassing. Part of why we lived out in the middle of nowhere is because of who my real mom is, though we don’t share the same last name anymore. I took Beth and Mitch’s name soon after going to live with them which I won’t mention here. Even so, Beth and Belinda are twins and so whenever they’d see Beth in public, they’d think it was Belinda. Beth and Belinda may’ve looked like carbon copies of one another, but they were always as different as night and day.

I would elaborate more, but a movie’s coming on now that I would like to see.

July 1, 2009

Ari’s getting on my ass again about not going by that sick bitch’s house alone. Why not? I have every right to. And I’m gonna blast my music all I want unless someone else around here actually complains, too!

Adelina, next door, has a pool. It’s like Lucia’s which means it’s not a diving pool. It’s a play pool which is good for volleyball games because the middle of it is 5 feet deep while the ends are just 3 feet deep.

Adelina lives alone, but sometimes her 19-year-old son visits and we all go swimming. We bust each other’s asses and act more like brother and sister at times. At least that’s what Adelina and Ari say when we get to teasing each other about stupid stuff like we do.

Yesterday I overheard Ari talking just as she was finishing up chatting with Floriana at the dividing fence in back. In Italian, of course. Flo’s the one that lives with her husband on the other side of us. Ari asked Flo if I was noisy when she wasn’t home and she said no, but I sure do have a beautiful singing voice. Ari agreed, but was worried once again about me disturbing the peace around here since no one else in this area seems to be out all day but her and Nara. Everyone else seems to always be home, but I guess that’s a good thing because it keeps the neighborhood more secure.

Comments: (2)
GothicBeauty: Adelina’s pool is nice.
purpledelight: Don’t forget to finish with the crush and with your real mom. Sorry, but I’m really curious to learn about it.

July 3, 2009

Yes, it is, Goth, and you would think so too for real if you actually saw her pool.

I don’t want to get into the crush thing right now, which is still alive and well, LOL.

Don’t want to get into my mother either, but I guess I will. I suppose that in some ways it would be therapeutic to do so. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Then again, I do. I just don’t want to. That’s because there are a lot of automatic assumptions and stereotypes that go with being the daughter of someone like Belinda Jameson.

Anyway, I was born, probably out of a drunken one-night stand. Mom was a hooker and we lived in a shabby room in an old, rundown motel in Death Valley, which is one of the hottest, driest places on earth next to the Sahara. She was 20 when I was born and insists she never saw my father again once she told him she was pregnant with me. I guess the guy insisted that anyone could be my father since she was, after all, a hooker. Mom tried to assure him that he was the only one she hadn’t used protection with and would be happy to set up a paternity test. That idea scared the guy off. I guess the prospect of my really being his, a responsibility he did not need nor want, did not sit well with him at all.

My mom’s parents refused to have anything to do with her because of her lifestyle. Not even when they learned they had a granddaughter.

So mom fucked one stranger after another and carted me around from one shabby motel to another. Despite being reported to child welfare services enough times, no one did anything. Like most parents, she was able to put up a respectable and reliable front when they’d make a “house” call. Hey, no one slaps their kid in front of social workers! She didn’t hit me too often, though. Just once in a while when a John would stiff her or she’d get overly drunk and tired. Most of the abuse was in the way she neglected me. She didn’t just do her hooking in the daytime when I was at school. It was every day of the week and often at night, too. Sometimes she left me all alone in our room to go meet with a John or to buy drugs or whatever, and other times she would make me hide under a bed or behind a couch or a chair when she was entertaining the Johns in our room.

Once I had a cold and started coughing while I was hiding behind a plush chair.

“What the fuck?” the John says. Then he starts screaming and swearing and threatening to kill my mother. I was absolutely terrified that night! But after a good 10 minutes or so of them screaming back and forth, the guy stormed out without doing anything other than stiffing my mom which, of course, was my fault and that meant getting my ass beat good. It was the first time she actually drew blood. She smacked me in the nose so hard I’m surprised it didn’t break.

I remember going to bed both sad and scared that night, but mostly sad. I felt a sense of loss and hopelessness like never before. It was as if the dotted line between me and her had finally been torn off for good. I was afraid to even breathe around her.

Then one day reality set in and made her go crazy. Everything changed forever. For the better for me, but for the worse for her. Much, much worse. Things wouldn’t get better for me for a while, though. I was so deeply traumatized by what happened in the end that I didn’t speak for days. I still have nightmares about the incident every so often and it’s been 13 years.

Someone’s knocking at the door now, so I’ll write later.

July 5, 2009

No July 4th fireworks here in Italy, LOL. Instead, it was just another ordinary day.

The neighborhood bitch and I got into it again, but this time it was her that walked by this place. We didn’t actually fight or anything, just screamed at each other. Only I screamed at her in English to piss her off even more. This nut job obviously not only hates Americans but anything to do with America as well. And since the primary language there is English, I thought she should be cussed out in it.

If ever there was a time I wished our neighbors weren’t home all the time (why are they always home, anyway?) it was today. Adelina just had to be there at the time, and just had to be out front on one of her watering sprees and mention it to Ari when she pulled in shortly afterward.

I was pissed that Ari was pissed at me since I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was simply sitting out front enjoying the nice afternoon weather when the sick twists walked by and started her rampage at me. But I guess what has got Ari upset is the fact that I rampaged right back and didn’t just go inside.

But why should I have?!

Comments: (1)
hazyshadylady: I’m so sorry about your mom. I had a rough childhood too and I understand the lasting effects it can have. But you survived!

July 6, 2009

Thanks for the comment, hazyshadylady. I will finish up with that ordeal now. I kinda wanna get it out of the way and swept back under the rug where it belongs anyway.

Mom had just gotten out of jail after being busted for narcotics and prostitution for the millionth time. Beth would take me in when she was in jail. We went to the mall to meet one of her johns. She became very agitated when he failed to show up. She started crying and bitching about how she was never going to get ahead in life since all the “hard-earned” money she made had to go to support her drug habit. She started making a scene. People began to stare at us. “What the fuck are you looking at?” she would scream at them. The rest is a blur, but memorable enough. It all happened so fast. I knew she had a handgun that she kept in her purse. She yanked it out and told me it was about time she started teaching some of society’s stuck-up, no-less-deserving-than-she-was people a lesson. She started firing at random. The gun was fully loaded with 6 bullets. Then all I remember are the sounds of the gunshots and me screaming along with other people.

Next came the standoff with the police. My mother threatened to kill herself if they touched her. This went on for an hour or so, according to the reports, and then the cops finally convinced her to let me go. I guess I had been somewhat of a hostage in the cops’ eyes and reassurance in her eyes. Not long after that, she surrendered.

Two kids and three adults ended up being shot. Both kids and two of the adults were killed. The other adult was hospitalized but eventually pulled through. The kids were 5 and 12. The adults were 25, 33 and 58.

Mother tried to get off on an insanity plea, but it didn’t work. Instead, she received 4 consecutive life sentences 8 months after being taken into custody. A week later she hung herself in her cell.

Until the media circus died down, I dreaded going out in public and I absolutely hated going to school. I wasn’t the unfortunate kid people felt sorry for. Instead, I was that psycho’s kid who just might end up exactly like that psycho. Hell, the apple wasn’t supposed to fall that far from the tree, was it?

Eventually, Beth, Mitch and I left Death Valley and headed further down south where our faces would be better hidden and less expected to appear whenever they did.

Lucia sat back in her chair, took her glasses off and placed them on the desk before her. She then let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding after reading the entries for what was probably the third time.

Holy shit. Just holy god darn shit!

She rubbed her eyes and then yawned. Next, she heard a ding, indicating that she had a new message. Throwing her glasses back on, she retrieved an instant message from Nara.

Nara: OMG, did you read the entry for June sixth?

Lucia: I just finished it, as a matter of fact. How utterly unfortunate.

Nara: You got that right! No wonder she’s got some temperament issues. Ma, you’ve worked with troubled people. Think there’s anything to worry about here? Or am I just being paranoid and stereotypical myself?

Lucia: Odds are you’re just being paranoid and stereotypical, though any child has to have been severely traumatized by such an event, so this has undoubtedly left a nasty mark on her life, and it most certainly would cause some behavior problems.

Nara: I hate to ask, but you don’t think she could be writing this just for “entertainment” purposes, do you?

Lucia: I highly doubt it. She not only seems genuine to me, but I did a little research. There was, in fact, a woman of that age and in that area involved in a shootout that killed herself after receiving death sentences. She also had a child that was Melina’s age back then. The drugs and prostitution were mentioned and I also saw a picture of the woman. Looks a lot like Melina.

Nara: Poor girl. What a burden to have to carry.

Lucia: Sure is. And with no mommy. Without a real, loving mom to guide her through life, especially growing up, she is certainly affected in an unfortunate way.

Nara: Wish there was some way to let her know she can talk to us without giving ourselves away, but I don’t see how that’s possible. Meanwhile, we learned something about the crush.

Lucia: Did we?

Nara: Well, it’s obviously someone significantly older or younger than her and I think I might have a good idea who it is now that I know this. Didn’t you say people of her personality type typically go for older people? After all, Ari’s 9 years older.

Lucia: They often do. Who does she know that’s older?

Nara: You.

Lucia blinked in surprise and then grinned. Then she asked if Nara was joking or if she really believed that.

Nara: I think it could really be possible. Scary, huh?

Lucia: Well, it’s a nice thought that’s both flattering and amusing being so much younger and such a lovely girl, but I don’t see why in the world she would have a crush on me of all people. It’s got to be someone else that lives around her.

Nara: I thought of Adelina and Flo, but they’re quite homely looking. I hate to say it, but Adelina’s got a serious weight problem and Flo looks just terrible. Like she’s 20 years older than she says she is which is something like 50.

Lucia: I agree they seem unlikely candidates for the mystery crush, but it’s not impossible or unheard of.

Nara: I suppose. Catch that comment from “Gothic Beauty” about Adelina’s pool being nice?

Lucia: Yup.

Nara: What do you think, just a crackpot?

Lucia: I hope so.

Nara: I hope so too, because anybody around here could look her up. I swear that everyone in the world is a member of these social sites but us.

Lucia: But if someone around here is going to get fixated on her, they could do it with or without looking her up.

Nara: Yeah, but they could also learn things she may not want anyone around her to know, and obviously she doesn’t since she’s never told any of us about the journal.

Lucia: You have a point there, so let’s hope it’s no one local.

Nara: Think she’ll eventually come out and name the crush?

Lucia: Don’t know.

Nara: I hope she does, and I can’t wait.

Lucia: Why is that?

Nara: Because I’ll be looking forward to your reaction when you see that I’m right.

A slow smile spread across Lucia’s face.

She already knew how she would react.
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