Ooph. I’m tired. I’ve had a busy past few days.
Sunday we did our normal grocery shopping thing in the morning, and then while our daughter was napping I crossed a few small things off my to-do list, like running the “clean washer” cycle on our washing machine and wiping the dust off our ceiling fans. Then, as soon as our little girl woke up, we head over to my sister-in-law’s birthday party. We had a fine time, but we didn’t get home until around 9pm, which is pretty late for us.
Yesterday I brought my daughter to the pediatrician due to a suspected UTI. Over the past two weeks, on something like five or six different occasions, strangely spread out across days, she said, “peepee, hot,” and on one or two occasions she started crying and said, “hurt,” while gesturing to her privates. So, I brought her in. I wasn’t sure how you test for a UTI if you can’t pee in a cup. It turns out you glue a bag to your vagina—fun times. Even more fun, the pediatrician was unusually slow. When we arrived and called to check in from the parking lot (as requested), they said they weren’t ready for us and they’d call us back. We got a call 30 minutes later, were escorted to a room, and then had to wait another 30 minutes. We didn’t see the doctor until over an hour after the scheduled appointment, and the whole time we were sitting and waiting, my daughter was panicking.
For the past two to three weeks she’s been oddly skittish. She’s suddenly scared of dogs, sharks (at the aquarium), the bath, and… the doctor. None of these were things a few months ago.
Needless to say, it was an emotionally draining morning. We finally got home from our 10:45am appointment around 1pm, and then I had a doctor’s appointment at 3pm. When I got home from my appointment, my husband suggested we go for a family walk. There was a time we did this more regularly, but it’s been a while, and I think the pandemic and my pregnancy combined have really done a number on my body. I just feel terribly out of shape. I’m pretty sure this was largely what motivated my husband’s suggestion. SO we went for the walk, and it was nice, but it kicked the shit out of me. When we got home I had to immediately sit and rest for a good hour. My whole body felt like it was being held together by very stretched thread.
A few weeks ago I’d made a reservation at the aquarium for this morning at 10:30am. That gave me just enough time to wake up, feed myself and my daughter, get us ready, and I was able to load the dishwasher (with the past week’s worth of dirty dishes) before we left. We got there right on time, skipped the boring parts, ran through the cool parts, and then had to leave again by 11:30am to get home on time for my 12pm therapy appointment. Luckily the aquarium is only a 7-8 minute drive from our condo, and we have an annual membership so, as long as we make a reservation, we can go anytime. It WAS fun to see the indoors part of the aquarium for the first time since the pandemic shut everything down, though. It’s been over a year since we got to see the starfish, crabs, frogs, salamanders, octopus, clownfish (Nemo), blue tang (Dory), and several other things.
Therapy went well this week. I told my therapist how I was afraid of being judged as “racially stupid,” and she responded with kindness which helped reduce my anxiety. I also got to vent a lot about the racist shit my in-laws say, and it actually felt really good to get that shit off my chest. I didn’t realize how much of an impact that has on me. It’s very confusing to have to balance hearing the things they say, knowing when and how to react to what they say, and then also having to sit across from my clients and taking in that dynamic, too. This past Sunday alone at my sister-in-law’s birthday, these things came up in conversation:
My husband’s uncle’s opinion that the woman who shot and killed a man she intended to taser should not be consequenced for her actions, because it was a mistake.
My mother-in-law’s encounter and subsequent confrontation with a “ghetto woman.”
My sister-in-law’s opinion that skin color shouldn’t be a source of judgment, but rather their behaviors (read: cultural differences) is what we should judge them on.
I also mentioned the dynamics at play, such as the way my husband’s family expects everyone to “respect their elders” (read: don’t challenge them) as well as the fact that my father-in-law is a retired LAPD officer. And I talked about how my family in Washington regularly say racist things around me. It’s just a lot to navigate.
In other news, Mother’s Day is coming up. I told my husband not to spend more than $100 and that what I’d really like is some dangly jewelry—necklaces and earrings, specifically—and to go out to brunch. He reminded me how busy every place will be for brunch and said we should probably make reservations somewhere now if we don’t want to get stuck waiting for hours. I agreed. Then a couple of days went by and no reservations were made, so I went ahead and made them myself, ha! I don’t even mind. I just want to make sure brunch IS happening. It’s just tragic I won’t be able to use Mother’s Day as an excuse to day drink this year. Next year, though—watch out.
The things I really want my husband to do, though, are to 1) follow through on his promise to look into our dental insurance plan, because I looked into how much it would cost to take my daughter in for her first dentist appointment without insurance and it would be $300-400, which is stupid, and 2) make a call about our ER bill, because my husband said he heard if you call and ask for a breakdown of the costs that go into the bill, they will often reduce what they’re asking for significantly. He said he wanted to do this, and I said go for it. Now I’m just worried that he will never get around to it. Ugh. I wish I could trust him better with this shit. I also wish our tax return would have arrived by now. I’m starting to worry that something is wrong again. Grr.
All right, well, hopefully I have about an hour before my daughter wakes up from her nap, and I’d really like to use the rest of this time to get some shuteye myself. Until next time <3
Last updated April 21, 2021