The Calm in Staying Connected

  • April 16, 2021, 9:32 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

I am so happy to not feel totally swamped this morning.

Yesterday, after taking my mock exam and meeting with a few clients, I was really, really exhausted - feeling content, but exhausted, nonetheless. So, I actually had my teeth brushed and was in bed well before 10pm.

My daughter has gotten way better overnight. For the past week she has either slept through the night without incident or woken up one time and just needed to be painlessly tucked back in. Easy peasy.

Then, this morning was my sleep-in day. I don’t remember if I mentioned it before, but on “sleep-in days,” I get to stay in bed until 8am. It’s lovely. And in the case of last night, it meant nearly ten hours of uninterrupted rest.

Fridays I don’t have a client until 10:30am, and my daughter is usually out the door between 8:30 and 8:45am. This gives me time to enjoy breakfast, shower, and write in my diary before starting work.

And the best part? My family-client canceled their sessions for the next two weeks. I’m not sure why for two weeks and not permanently, but I’ll take the break. It will give me time to catch up with my supervisor, who, by the way, I have had zero guidance from since the last entry I wrote on the topic.

I’m really grateful to have this period of peacefulness right in the middle of the year-I-was expecting-to-be-a-stressful-shitshow. It reinforces my earlier decision to set a boundary regarding house-hunting. I still don’t think it was as much of a “decision” as it was mandatory that we postpone due to our financial situation, but I’m glad I made a point about it when I did. I think we were able to sidestep a lot of drama that way. I do still enjoy browsing Zillow.

While I look forward to someday living in a 4-bedroom, 2-car garage home in a nice neighborhood with a big back yard, I also feel like I’ve done a good job of making a home out of every place I’ve lived throughout my adult life. Our current condo is no exception. So, for me, there hasn’t been the same urgency to get our of here that there is with my husband. While I recognize that he is experiencing discomfort, and I want to acknowledge that to a degree, I also feel like it’s less about our condo and more about some kind of internal battle he’s going through—and there isn’t a whole lot I can do to help him with that.

As for me, I find myself spending a good amount of time slowly wrapping my mind around what is about to come. Am I really going to be licensed in less than a month? Is that true? Are we really about to meet the member of our family that completes us? Am I really going to be the mom in a family of four? Will we, in fact, pull off the 4-bedroom house? Is that in the cards for us?

It’s all very exciting, but it’s not our reality yet. Rather, our current reality is a stack of bills sitting on our dining room table for unexpected medical expenses. That ER trip my husband took to treat his thrown out back? Yeah. We just got that bill: $830. And the genetic testing that allowed us to find out the gender of our baby a month ahead of time? Turns out it wasn’t covered by insurance (despite what my doctor told me…). That one is $220. Over one thousand dollars that we didn’t see coming. And boy have we been spending money.

We just got that new mattress.

Yesterday my husband successfully got his hands on a PlayStation 5.

And we are 100% going through with our family-maternity and newborn photos.

What’s all that add up to? Something in the ballpark of $2,000, not including the medical bills.

I sure hope we get our tax return soon!

And I haven’t crunched the numbers, but I’m pretty certain we’re going to have to dip into the money my dad loaned us for a down payment on our house in order to get through maternity leave. It isn’t the end of the world. It just would have been nice to not need to do that. But I can’t say I’m surprised or mad. I mean… we both chose to use our money on things that weren’t technically required. That being said, we both feel happy. So, I think it balances out.

I better get in the shower now. Until next time <3


Last updated April 16, 2021


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