My Son in Help Me Please

  • April 16, 2021, 9:53 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

It seems that my son is shutting me out more and more everyday and that is really hurting my feelings because he is the one that initiates the conversation by saying things like “I am getting ready to go to counselling” So I asked him why and for a day or more he said nothing and he also sent me that link I posted yesterday and he still hasn’t told me what it means or why he sent it to me. then he tells me that it’s none of my business why he is going to counselling so i asked him why he even told me he was going. All he had to tell me was that he needs some help with life and I would have left it at that. Actually i really don’t care why he is going and he also said that medical issues that are discussed with a doctor is also none of my business so if my son should need a major operation I guess I will never know. And if he dies of cancer I guess I won’t know that either.
But the big thing with him is my nagging about important things that he has to do and he wants me to not nag him. But then I told him when I tell him to do something like change your address when you move you do it before you move not when you get denied things then get it done.
And my mom has told me that all my son cares about is himself and he just takes and takes from everyone else and now he has no one to help him when the need comes. I am starting to think if he is ever in jail if i will have to bail him out? And over the years I have told him to call a lawyer not me because I would not help him.
But all i want from my son is to have a normal relationship where there is communication about everything, including idle chit chat. it seems to me that I can only talk to my son when something important comes up and then it takes him either forever to get back to me or he just forgets. I wonder if telling him his grandparents have died is considered idle chit chat?
And the other thing is that all the gifts that anyone has given my son is has either broke or lost or left behind and not once has he replicated anything back to them, not even a card or a phone call without being told or even a text. he never remembers anyone’s birthday or anniversary or a special something that happened to them or even something bad that has happened. Like when my dad was in the hospital not too long ago he didn’t even get told that he was there because my dad wants nothing to do with him. My parents and even my other relatives have nothing to do with him because he never talks to them and he has no relationship with anyone including me.
So my mom suggested I have nothing to do with him and just let him try to fix himself and maybe in a year or two he will realize what he has done. But I highly doubt he will change and he will probably not listen to the counsellor and tell her or him that they are wrong like he does to everyone else. So I will not be talking to my son till he realizes that what he has done to me is wrong and he hurt my feeling and the fact that he is having sleeping issues is not my monkey anymore. I did try to tell him how to fix it but he won’t listen and it seems like he is blaming me for that.
And before this pandemic came I use to invite my son over for dinner and it was only because hubby felt sorry for him because he never had any money and never did budget and got frozen food that require microwave cooking. And not too long ago he looked fat and out of shape and was looking tired. And i told him this but he didn’t care because for him to actually go grocery shopping and get the good stuff like chicken or steak or fish was just too costly for him. But I told him if he did get those things he would be spending less money in the long run and these things would last at least a week. And he has no idea how to really shop. if he wants something he doesn’t even consider the price or what it is he just gets it. Like those pizza pockets. But I told hubby I don’t want anything to do with my son and I am not going to invite him anywhere. I was thinking that after our restrictions are no more that I would take him and maybe his roommate out for dinner but I decided I am not going to do that. And his roommate still hasn’t thanked me for the stuff I gave her so I am not talking to her either.
It seems that I keep repeating myself and my son never listens to me or even tries to do what I ask like phone me and not use messenger. And to call me something like once a week just to say hi. I am the one who always calls and asks how he is and what is going on and for the most part he doesn’t say much. And if I talk to him on the phone for 5 minutes that is a good thing. How can there be nothing to say when calling anyone? there is always something and it’s always important for the most part. I talk to my mom a few times a week just to find out how she and my dad is and the rest of the family and my brother. I even talk to my brother more often then my son and he works 18 hours a day so if he can call me why can’t my son? My son isn’t even working so I just don’t get it. I just find it very rude to use messenger or text messaging to talk to your elders because for the most part then don’t like to talk that way. I know I don’t. And is it really that hard to just pick up the phone and call? How can anyone be so busy that they can’t or they find it takes less time then to call?
But I guess my son is never going to change or do what I ask and he will always be the one who only cares about himself. here is a perfect example. last Christmas I wanted a ring candle that cost about $30.00 and it was like September when I told him I wanted it. because I knew his money wasn’t that much and he would need to budget and save for it. And as it turned out he told me that he can not afford that and wasn’t going to even try. And he asked me if I could get him a season of friends for him that was more then $100.00 So what i did was I save my money something like $50.00 a month and I had more then enough for it plus I got him some pj pants and t-shirts because his was all stretched out and the t-shirts were too small and he always looks like he rolls out of bed. And he didn’t even tell me if they fit him or not because I told him that I got them a bit big so they would fit better and I had to ask him how he liked them and if they needed to be exchanges for different sizes. He told me they fit good and that is all he said. No thank you no it was really thoughtful of you nothing.
These things are not a big deal but it goes show that he would be more appreciative for what I do for him and the effort I take to do it. And he always has to be told to get a card for someone’s birthday and he always says he can never afford that either. there was one mothers day where my brother had to give him money for a mothers day card for me because he never did get me one. My brother thought that was really rude and so did the rest of my family and they just shook their heads in disbelief and thought and later told me that what he did was not nice or thoughtful.
And then there was time when my brother gave him some money for his birthday and told him to do something crazy so he went and bought take out food or went to a fast food place. And considering he never has any money he could have bough some clothes or pay a bill but he didn’t. So my brother has stopped giving him money just like my parents and I have also especially after the bed issue.

Okay onto something else....
Well life will go on and I will do what I can to be the good mother I once was but then I often question myself and wonder if I was or am all that great? Everyone tells me that I am the best I can be but then I still wonder if I can do better or if it’s too late? And everyone tells me that it’s my son and not me and I can only do so much but for some reason I need to keep trying and to fix this relationship but I am at a loss of how.
well it is what it is and half of it is my fault but how can you stop doing something when someone just ignores you?

I need to stop here because I feel like I am just a worthless person who has lost her only son and I need to try to fix this and me.
Do have a great day and be kind be calm and be safe and behave.

Deleted user April 16, 2021

That sucks that he shuts you out like that! Hopefully he'll come around at some point!

Jodie Deleted user ⋅ April 17, 2021

I highly doubt he will come around because he is always right, but then he needs to look at the relationship he has with the rest of the family.

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