For several hours, I have not left my apartment. I would not mind going outside for a smoke. On the other hand, it is very chilly outside with temps in the 40s and a brisk wind. I can do w/o it, no problem. I can go surprisingly long, w/o lighting up. I would not mind going outside for one, sometime before I turn in for the night. I think that this place is turning into a “one-of-a-kind place”. I do not care to elaborate, but I will simply say that I am certain that I do not fit into the “mold”. I feel it more and more, with every passing day. The one-of-a - kinds do more of the “norm”, whereas I stay on the straight and narrow path. There aren’t that many left that “walk my path”. As far as this entry goes, there is a method to my madness. I am trying to say something without “actually” saying something. I think the day has arrived that I no longer fit into this [place. I have lived here for 18 years. There have been good, bad and mediocre times. Somehow, I cannot pull myself back up this time, for truly I am alone. I have no friends. God knows that I have tried....time after time after time. I ended up playing with matches and getting severely burned. It is not worth it. I can’t do it, anymore.